Teens Mentoring Teens (Episode 23)

🎧 What if one relationship could completely change your life's direction? Award-winning TEDx speaker and author Rasheda Williams breaks down the game-changing power of mentorship for teens. In this myth-busting episode, she shares insights from both sides of the mentoring relationship that might surprise you.

Drawing from her successful youth mentoring program experience, Rasheda reveals the hidden benefits of mentorship that most teens never consider. Whether you're thinking about finding a mentor or becoming one yourself, this episode transforms how you'll think about this powerful relationship.

Learn life-changing insights about:

• Why the most successful teens often have mentors
• How to find the right mentor (hint: it's not who you think!)
• Secret benefits of mentorship nobody talks about
• Common mentoring myths that might be holding you back
• Ways mentorship can boost your future success
• How teens can start mentoring others

Perfect for: Students seeking guidance, future leaders, teens wanting to make a difference, and anyone curious about how mentorship really works.

Features expert advice from someone who's helped countless young people transform their lives through strategic mentoring relationships.

To learn more about Resheda Williams and the programs she offers. please visit

https://empoweredflowergirl.com/

Transcript

Welcome to Mindshift Power podcast, a show for teenagers and the adults who work with them, where we have raw and honest conversations. I'm your host, Fatima Bey, the mind shifter. And welcome. Today, we have with us Rashida Williams, and she is out of Detroit, Michigan. She is an award winning mentor, a speaker, an author, and she's the owner of Empowered Flower Girl.

And, also, I wanna note that January is National Mentoring Month. So how are you doing today, Rashida? I am absolutely wonderful. How are you? I'm great.

I am feeling very invigorated, and I hope that this is a very powerful episode for our listeners. Yes. Likewise. I like to dive right in. So let start off by telling us what is Empowered Flower Girl?

So thank you again. Thank you for the opportunity and, to be able to connect with you and and your audience and hopefully the young people who are listening today. When I get asked what is Empower Flower Girl, what you're all about, it's interesting because people will often ask, well, do you sell flowers? I kid you not. Did you ask that?

That's irrelevant. Where's my where's my flowers? I didn't get any roses yet. Right. You gotta give people their flowers, while they're still with us.

So they're they're in the mail, honey. But empowered flower girl, what we work to do is to help young people overcome challenges they may be facing, in and out of the classroom, whether that's, cyberbullying or societal pressures that they're facing. We know that oftentimes young people will come to school and they've been really having struggles at home. They may have struggles with friendships as well as academics. So what we want to do is to give them the encouragement so that they can overcome those challenges, live above them, and ultimately make a powerful difference in the world.

A lot of the work that we do is centered around recognizing and showcasing young people who are changemakers, those who are using their gifts and talents to make a difference in their communities and beyond. So empower flower girl really is about, helping young people so that they can make contributions to our society, but mostly so that they can build positive relationships with one another. And the most important relationship is a relationship that they have with themselves. Absolutely. That is a % true.

And I'm so grateful and glad that you do this work. I think it's it is extremely important. And so I'm glad you started a group to do it. So let's start off with what a mentor is because sometimes people have different definitions or understandings of what that word is. So when you say mentor, what do you mean?

When I say mentor, I mean someone who offers support and guidance, and it's not necessarily based on age. A lot of people may think it's always an older person mentoring someone younger, but there's opportunities for peer mentoring as well. And young people can actually mentor adults. So it's kind of the each one, teach one mentality or type of community, I would say, where you are imparting your knowledge and and filling someone else's cup, whether they're older than you, younger than you or the same age. So I always like to just remind people that even as a mentor, your mentees can also be mentoring you at the same time.

You know, it's the intergenerational understanding and empathy there. So there are opportunities for us to learn from one another. But I think the biggest key with mentoring is that you're there to help someone, realize their power and to not preach to them and tell them what they should and shouldn't do, but to be there as someone who is an active listener, someone who is there, not judging. Right? Because we wouldn't listen to people, but not with a judging ear.

No. Right. I think that is the most important, right? And just being authentic. Mentors really need to be authentic and real.

They don't have to be perfect. Oftentimes people think oh if I'm a mentor I have to be perfect. I have to have a curio cabinet full of awards and accolades and degrees. Right. No.

Right. You don't even have to be employed, right, to be a mentor. You could have previously been incarcerated and be a powerful mentor to young people in your community. So I always like to make sure that people understand that it's it's not about perfection, it's not about your age or your profession. Right?

Right. So mentoring, in short, I'm gonna paraphrase it, and you can correct me if I'm wrong. It's basically teaching and guiding together regardless of age and other, you know, factors, regardless of age. And the details are gonna be different with each each person. But, would that be a very short, short, short general summary?

Yes. Obviously, there's more to it than that. Notes version. Yep. Yeah.

The cliff notes. I always try to give cliff notes versions of, of of things that we talk about, because I know some people listen in CliffNotes. So that's why I do that. So with, okay. So I could be a mentor to a teenager and have been, But you really help.

You do you do a a good heavy focus on helping teens to mentor other teens. Why do you think why is it important to have teens mentor other teens? Why does that matter? That is an excellent question, and it's not something that people typically think about, but I think it's vitally important to have teens mentoring other teens because, of course, they have a better understanding of one another. It's kind of more credibility, if you will.

Yes. They can have an adult in their life who adult in their life who is showing them the way, guiding them, saying, you know, I've been through that. I've I know what you're going through. I've been I've been there. But they have another young person who is actually going through similar things.

And that young person may have had an opportunity to be exposed or have more access to resources than another team. Right? For instance, I'll give you an example. When I was younger in middle school, there was an exchange program. Now these students, they were still teens, but they were a little older than us.

So I was in middle school. I was in eighth grade. I was 13. And the students that were part of the exchange program were high school students, and they were sophomores in high school, sophomores through seniors who we would come to their school in the suburbs. It was a posh suburb just outside of Detroit, Grosse Pointe.

Think of the name Grosse Pointe is exactly what it means. Okay? You know, ritzy neighborhood. So we and students in the inner city of Detroit would go to their school in Grosse Pointe and vice versa. They would come to our school as an exchange so we can really see what's what's happening in the schools.

One, I think they wanted to show the disparities, but, two, I think they also wanted to show us that, you know, there are opportunities. Right? There are opportunities, for us to have a positive exchange between these students regardless of their economic background, their status Mhmm. That sort of thing. So the young lady that I was paired with, she became a mentor to me because she was talking about going to college and, you know, trying to decide on what she was gonna figure out as a major and all of these things that in eighth grade, I wasn't necessarily thinking about.

I was thinking about college. Right? That was on in the back of my mind. Okay. Someday, I wanna go to college.

But, this young lady was telling me, oh, yeah. I've been applying to U of M and Michigan State, and I've been applying to all these colleges. So that's a lot that's on my mind right now. And so she was telling me about those experiences she was having as a high school student who was about to transition into college. And so that got me thinking a little bit earlier as a as a teenager about, okay.

Maybe these are some things that I should start thinking about. And just her having resources, talking about the SAT and having to do SAT prep work and all of all of these things that were somewhat foreign to me. It was great to hear another young person talk about these things to me as opposed to, you know, always the school counselor or someone. But to hear someone who was actually going through the process and to know some of the challenges even she faced and how she was able to overcome those. I thought that really was even more impactful.

Not that having adult mentors isn't impactful, but having someone who's closer in in your age range to be able to really listen as well as share their experiences, which can be different, but similar because you're you're both trying to cope. Right? You're both trying to cope with the transition from adolescence to adulthood. And, that was a memorable experience. I still remember that.

That was that was over thirty years ago. Oh, wow. Just to piggyback a little bit off of what you said, I've actually talked about this, in a couple different episodes. One of them was with a therapist, talking about teen girls feeling unsupported. Unsupported.

Yes. Yep. And then, there was another episode. I think it might have been the same episode, actually, but, you know, just that the relatability factor, which is is the way I would summarize a lot of what you said. That relatability factor is not a minor detail.

Yes. An adult can mentor a youth, but it was not the same thing as getting that same value from another peer. You know? It's just like, I have an episode that I think it will have aired by the time this one comes out, but I have an episode of, you know, a a a a man who came on as a guest. And we're he's we're specifically that whole episode is only talking to young men boys.

Okay. And I had him come on because he should be the one talking to them, not me. I'm just another mother figure. You know? I teens do listen to me, but I still would say that I'm not the same thing as a peer.

You know, I'm not the same thing as somebody who's like, yeah. I've been through that. You know? I totally agree with you, and I think it's so important. If we all would take the time to lend a hand and teach even if it's so little thing to someone else.

You know? Each one that we teach goes out and helps others. You know? It makes them better to help society. So I think we all should be doing some form of it.

So so you know what? I totally agree with you. And it's interesting because adults do the same thing, right? Adults mentor each other in the workplace all the time. And like you mentioned, it's the relatability factor.

So having teens to mentor and coach and guide one another in a way as, it is almost like workplace workplace mentoring, you know, if adults think about it that way. Mhmm. What would you say to a teen who thinks that they have nothing to mentor anyone about? Another excellent question. You know, I believe that young people who have opportunities to really share who they are.

What I mean by share who they are is if they're given a platform to talk about their talents and to talk about some of the challenges that they face will will find that they have so much to offer. And part of that is knowledge. They have a lot of knowledge to impart onto one another. And so I would tell you in person, look, if you don't think that you have the skills or the experience, you may not have that. Right?

But what you do have what you do have are ears to listen because that is a huge part of mentoring, listening, Listening without judgment, as I mentioned earlier, that can save someone's life. Mentoring is not offering therapy or anything like that. Right? People who are struggling, having issues with mental health, trauma, that sort of thing. You know, there's there's a time and place for them to get the professional help.

But having a friend to listen to be there when when there are so many young people stating how they they don't have anyone, No one in their home listens to them. But if they have a friend, someone at their school, maybe if they're in the after school program or, if they go to a church or a mosque or anywhere that they go and there there's other young people who are involved, they potentially have, some additional allies. Right? Because oftentimes they don't have anyone in their homes who's listening to them. Mhmm.

I remember when I was younger, I didn't really have anyone in my family say this too much, but there were adults in our community who would say children should be seen and not heard. Yeah, I'm aging myself a little bit, but, I I think many of us have heard that children should be seen and not heard. And I always thought that that was the most absurd thing. I even wrote about that even wrote about that in my book that I think young people need to be heard even more. We need to listen and allow them and give them a platform to to speak their minds, to, make sure that we're including them, that they have a seat at the table.

Right? And that they're actually creating their own tables. But I'll get off that soapbox for a moment. I get back to this. I definitely think I definitely think that they have so much power that they don't even realize it.

And it's up to us to help guide them in realizing that power, and that's part of my goal as well in the work that I do with Empowered Flower Girl. But young people out there listening, you definitely have something to offer the world and to each other. And I I think that the more that they are engaging and connecting with one another and really getting to know one another on a deeper, more authentic level, that's gonna help, breaks break down some of those barriers that cause, young people to act out in in ways that could be, that could be detrimental, that causes them to bully, causes them to isolate, that causes them to get involved in gang activity and of these other things because they feel like they don't have anywhere to turn to. Mhmm. They don't have anyone to turn to.

Right. I I think you said such a key thing, the listening piece. And I asked that question because I know that there are a lot of teenagers out there listening right now who really truly believe they have nothing to offer the world. They have nothing to offer anything anyone else. Why would I mentor anyone else?

I don't know nothing. But the truth is, you do. You know, if you stop for a second and stop thinking about what you don't know and, you know, like Rashida said, focus on what you do know. And sometimes it's just having a listening ear because that is critical. There's so many people that have gone to the brinks of suicide, have gone to the brinks of cutting themselves, have gone to the brinks of sleeping around to find love, etcetera, etcetera.

I can go on and on and on because they don't know what else to do, and they need someone to listen to to them. And, you know, telling somebody off and telling what they what they should be, should, and shouldn't be doing is not a way to solve a problem for the most part. You know, sometimes you you you need to listen first. But if you're out there, just be willing to listen to your peers. If you don't if you can't do anything else, you can do that, and you might be saving a life.

You might be helping someone at a pivotal point who doesn't go down a drain that they were about to climb down. You know? Would you agree? Yes. For sure.

I I definitely agree with that because when when we look at when we look at some of these, headlines, when we look at headlines of young people who didn't have that type of support, one of the key things that I noticed with young people who may have taken their lives or the lives of other people, what we see in these articles is that that person, young person felt isolated. They felt, they did they felt like they didn't belong. Right. They didn't have a particular space or a place in their school and classroom. They felt kind of like the outcast even in some of their families.

So a lot of it is having a sense of belonging and being in spaces where they're included and their voices are heard. So, yeah, I definitely agree that having having someone to to listen, and being able to be fully self expressed when they do have issues and challenges. Yeah. I wanna add something to that I think is critical. You're absolutely right.

Feeling included and feeling like they're a part of something. But on top of that, I wanna add a little seasoning to that because I I think sometimes people are well intended and say, we're gonna be all inclusive, but the inclusivity needs to be genuine, not forced. That those are not the same thing. Forced inclusivity makes people actually sometimes feel worse because now their their oddness is being pointed out even more. And so it needs to be genuine.

We need to start trying to find ways to get along with and understand people instead of finding ways to separate ourselves and, you know, seek that out. And I think that that is critical. The genuineness the genuineness, it absolutely needs to be there, because it it does matter when people feel like there's people that care even if it's a little bit. And with that, I wanna segue into we talk we we want to see other team mentors. For those who are considering a way of finding to be a mentor, what are some of the benefits to the person doing the mentoring?

I I definitely think that there are a number of benefits to those who are mentoring. Being a mentor for me was was quite interesting because I was thinking, oh, I'm gonna help someone out. I'm gonna, you know help these young ladies out, they they need some support and really the thing that happened was that I I'm a keep it real, my life was saved becoming a mentor. I think that's what saved my life is pouring into these young ladies and having a purpose. Because because I was experiencing a lot of sadness and depression around grief and loss.

I was actually a senior in college when I became a mentor and started my mentoring journey as a young person. So, I was around 20 years old. That's awesome. Yeah. 20 years old when I found out I had to become a mentor.

And I had experienced the loss of my aunt and my uncle was, having some challenges, me being a caregiver to him. And I I found that mentoring is what really helped me take the focus off of myself and all the problems that I was having having. So it gave me purpose, and it helped fuel my passion to to give back, something I knew I always wanted to give back in a way, but becoming a mentor just ignited that in all sorts of other areas. Right? And it's the same is true for teens as well.

They may find that once they start becoming a mentor, they're invested in someone, and a conversation that a lot of a lot of adults will have is that, oh, these kids, they're always, you know, posting selfies, they're so self centered, they're a selfish generation, the me me me generation. However, generation z and generation alpha, these young people are so actively involved in their communities. They if we really look at what they're doing, getting involved in causes like climate change research and equal education, they're they're doing so much in their communities. They're they're young activists. So we do find that when they're out and they're engaging in their communities and they're helping other people, it really transforms, how they feel about themselves.

It gives them self esteem and purpose, and it causes them to want to do better. Because if they have say, for instance, you have a tenth grader who's mentoring, who's mentoring the incoming freshmen, because I've actually been involved in peer mentoring programs of volunteer as well as did some consulting work with a mentoring organization that offers peer mentoring. So they have the tenth graders mentor the incoming freshmen. And what one of the young ladies said was just so profound. She said, you know, I was having some challenges even in my sophomore year.

I was having some challenges still adjusting and I was you know focused a lot on how tough things were for me right she said you know it just wasn't going so well but then when I got a mentee I started being so invested in helping her and helping see her through that encouraged me to do better for me to stand up and say you know what I got this you know put on my big girl panties if I got this I can move through this And when I heard her say that when I heard this young lady say that, I thought, yeah, you're right. Because it does encourage you. Like, I have to do better, not just for me, but for someone else as well. You know, I I'm this person is looking up to me, looking at me to be a positive role model. It gives me some accountability to make sure that I achieve my goals and do what I said I'm going to do and and have a different level of integrity that I'm operating in.

And, you know, once young people become mentors in this way, yeah, they step their game up. I agree. It just being able to deposit in someone else's life. I know for me, it it's it's not really well, it's not the same subject, but it's very much related. Doing wedding gowns for as long as I've been, and, you know, having one on one appointments with my brides and then getting the feedback from my brides.

And I've been doing this for a long time now, but I remember when I first started getting feedback from my brides that I made them feel beautiful on their wedding day. That built up my self esteem when I had very little con I still had low confidence. And just getting that over the years and and getting to know that, oh my god. What I did mattered, and what I did made a difference. You know?

And if you're a teen out there listening right now, just try to do some mentoring. Even if you don't do it through a program, just try. You'd be surprised at how much value you actually have and can give to someone else just by trying. You know? And and I can tell you, it's very, very, very fulfilling to be able to make a difference even if it's small in someone else's life.

Help them to feel better, help them make a better decision, whatever it is. Even if it's, you know, small like that, it's it's such a big deal. So mentoring, yes, it could be fulfilling for you as the the mentor as well. Definitely. Now I'm gonna ask you, do you offer virtual sessions for, the what you do?

So for me and the work that I do, so a lot a lot of the work that Empowered Flower Girl does, in addition to our work with youth, we work with a lot of adults who are working with youth because we find that sometimes there's some disconnects there, why they're not able to relate, why they're not able to relate to young people or maybe something's missing in their programing that may have young people feel like, well, this program isn't for me. Maybe they're not doing the right marketing of the program. Maybe some things about the curriculum need to change. So I've been working a lot coaching and mentoring adults who are in the space of, mentoring youth, whether they have a formal mentoring organization or a girls club in the school or some sort of initiative that's aimed at helping uplift and support young people. So, yes, I offer virtual sessions with that, as well as for some schools.

We offer virtual programing for for the schools. And one thing that's been a huge trend, of course, since the onset of COVID is virtual mentoring sessions. So some people would think, okay, I don't I don't have time to go out to a school every day to mentor young people. I don't have time to good point to be able to meet with them every weekend. But the great thing is you can do mentoring via Zoom.

You got a phone. You can run or a phone, communications, just checking in. You can meet if you have the ability to meet in person, that's always great. But there are people who are in The US that are mentoring, children in South Africa and Zambia. You know, you you could mentor youth around the world.

If you're in New York, you can mentor youth in, Louisiana. So it it's it's possible. You know, there's virtual virtual mentoring opportunities for sure, and it opens up a huge, it well, it gives us opportunities. Right? And it opens us up to to the world, basically, that we could make a difference in.

Yes. That's that's awesome. I'm glad you you're able to do it with schools, and I hope that there's somebody listening from a school right now that hooks up with you and and connects with you and and, you know, gets that going in their own school. Because I can tell you across America, generally speaking, it's very, very, very well needed. Our our generation needs to feel this generation needs to feel like they have a purpose because many of them don't, and and it's it's bothersome to me.

So I'm glad that you're helping with that. Now could you tell the audience how they could if they're interested, how they could find you? Sure. I would love to. You can find Empowered Flower Girl at empoweredflowergirl.com.

We're also on various social media platforms like Instagram and Facebook at Empowered Flower Girl, also on LinkedIn. That's how I really connect with a lot of the educators and after school program providers, as well as parents. But, yeah, we're we're on social media. You can go to our website, and I would definitely love to to connect. Young people we offer a program called She's Empowered if you are a female identifying change maker or gender expense expansive change maker, someone who is using your gifts and talents to make a difference for others, entrepreneurs or authors, who are, encouraging others and, just using your personal power for good.

We like to feature you in our She's Empowered program, and all you have to do is just submit some information about yourself or your nominee because sometimes we get parents or teachers to nominate the young people in their lives, or we've even had youth nominate their friends, to be featured as part of She's Empowered. But we definitely love showcasing, young people who are making a positive difference. So And what's the reach out about that. What's the age, what's the age cap on that? The ages we feature are five to 25.

Oh, damn. I missed it. Okay. Probably by a year or two. Wait.

I'm a pretend I'm in high school. Can I do it? No. No. That's great.

So I hope that that, you you get some some more applications from us. And I thank you for coming on today and and talking about this. And, again, ladies and gentlemen, this is National Mentor Month. So see what you can do even if it's a little bit, even if it's just by phone to make a difference. It'll make a difference for you too.

Definitely. I I appreciate you so much, and I just love what you're doing here with the Mindshift Power podcast. I have, enjoyed this conversation and definitely look forward to connecting with the young people out there as well as parents and educators who may be listening. Thank you. And now for a mind shifting moment.

Something that was said repeatedly in today's episode that I really want you to hone in and focus on. You have value. Your experiences, how insignificant you think they are, are not. So if you think that what you've been through in life and your experiences don't matter, you're wrong. You could be the most boring person in the world who's never been through anything, or so you think.

And you can also speak to other boring people and uplift them. You have value. Your experiences have value. You just need to find your audience that can receive it. It.

Make it a point to pour into others. Make it a point to talk about your experiences. You would be surprised how the smallest little detail of your life may help encourage someone else's. You are important and you have value. Start talking to other people and you're gonna find out how true that is.

Thank you for listening to Mindshift Power podcast. Please like and subscribe to my YouTube channel at the mind shifter. If you have any comments, topic suggestions, or would like to be a guest on the show, please visit FatimaBay.com/podcast. Remember, there's power in shifting your thinking. Tune in for next week.