Phobias (Episode 27)

🎧 What's the difference between fear and a true phobia? In this revealing episode, Dr. Kimberly Boynton delves deep beyond typical "face your fears" advice into the fascinating world of phobias. Through candid conversation, we uncover surprising truths about these intense fears that affect so many teens - yet few want to discuss.

What starts as an expert breakdown of phobia basics transforms into a powerful exploration of how our deepest fears connect to our mental health, relationships, and daily lives. Dr. Boynton shares insights that will change how you think about your own fears - and those of others.

This compelling episode explores:

• How to know if it's really a phobia or just a strong fear
• The surprising science behind why phobias develop
• Hidden ways phobias affect your daily life
• Why some traditional "cures" might do more harm than good
• The unexpected connections between phobias and other emotions

Perfect for: Teens dealing with intense fears, anyone supporting someone with a phobia, mental health advocates, and those curious about the psychology behind our deepest anxieties.

Features expert insights that go far beyond simple solutions, offering deeper understanding of our minds and emotions.

To learn more about Dr. Kimberly Boynton, please click below.
https://kymberliboynton.com/

To see the magazine referred to in the episode, click below.
https://innergymagazine.com/

Transcript

Welcome to Mindshift Power podcast, a show for teenagers and the adults who work with them, where we have raw and honest conversations. I'm your host, Fatima Bey, the mind shifter. And welcome, everyone. Today, we have with us doctor Kimberly Boynton. She is out of Southern California.

She's a licensed marriage and family therapist. She's got twenty plus years of working with teens. And one thing I love about this woman is that she keeps it real, and she's down to earth, and she's balanced. I love her, and I think you all will too. So how are you doing today, doctor Bloom?

I am great. Thank you so much for having me on here. Thank you for for being on. I know you're a busy woman, so I appreciate this this time. So today, we're gonna talk about phobias.

And I know it's a subject that not a lot of people think about too often, but it's you know, there's a segment of society where it's still a a real big issue. So I I wanna be able to reach out to those who have the phobias and those around them to hopefully gain some understanding. So let me start off by asking you this. What is a phobia? So a phobia is more of an intent and irrational fear of a specific object or situation or activity that poses little to no actual danger.

But people with phobias often experience excessive anxiety, panic attacks, you know, when confronted with the object or situation they fear. But a phobia actually can impact a person's daily life, and it causes them to go through great lengths, to avoid the source of their fear. And I'll be honest. Like, one of my fears and phobias is snakes. Like, I I don't care when people say a snake looks cute.

I'm like, there is no such thing as a cute snake in my eyes. So I'm like and that's one of my I don't know. I mean, fears and phobias are kinda along the same lines, but, yeah, that's my phobia. Hands down is a snake. So, yeah, it's it's life altering.

I used to have a phobia of spiders, which we all know is called arachnophobia Arachnophobia. When I was a when I was a teen. Into my teens. I remember my father laughing at me because, you know, it was a old building, and there was always spiders in every old building. I don't care where you are.

And there and there was this and it was spider there was a spider that landed on my hand somehow. And it wasn't even a poisonous spider or anything. It was just landed on my hand. I freaked out so bad that he was laughing at me. Now if a spider comes near me, I would just go after it with murderous venom.

So it's different. Why are you in my space? Right. Yep. Now I I don't I'm not scared of them at all.

I'm the opposite. I I'm a warrior against them. So Yeah. Just since you you were, I wanna dive a little bit deeper into, the difference be between fear and phobia. And the reason I wanna do that is sometimes people think that if they have a fear of something that it's phobia, they are not the same thing.

I know that fear I mean, I'm sorry. Phobia contains fear, but not all fear is phobia. So can you explain to the audience what the difference is between the two? Yeah. Well, fear and phobia, you're right, are related concepts, but they do differ in the terms of intensity and duration.

And, again, you know, the pact, the impact on somebody's or in person's life. Sorry. Where fear is could be more temporary. Fear is usually a temporary emotional response that can actually, you know, diminish once the threat has passed. So in other words, like, you were talking about, spiders.

So when you see a spider, it's like, oh, you know, there's that spider, but and you change your mindset, like, I'm gonna be I'm bigger. I'm I'm powerful. Whatever. But sometimes, it's like they either you can remove yourself from the situation or you wait till it passes by. You know, if you're stuck in a car and you see it, you're like, okay.

I'm gonna whatever. But it's not controlling your whole life. So once that spider is gone and out of your mind and out of your, you know, your personal space, you're back to normal where a phobia is more intent. And the fear goes beyond what's considered to be a normal, proportional threat where the fear is just excessive and it just leads to distress, anxiety, it's persistent, it lasts longer than, you know, even if that's if you have a fear, arachnophobia fear, you're gonna stay in that moment for a lot longer. That that spider could be gone out of sight, out of mind.

You could have squished it or somebody could have came out squished it, but you are still letting that spider impact your life. And so there there's different types of phobias, you know, as well too, where you have, like, the specific specific phobias, like your arachnophobia, claustrophobia, things like that. But then you also have the social phobias, which are more intense to, like, your social interaction, which we're seeing now, you know, in the schools and, you know, as we're coming off a pandemic. So yeah. So even though they kind of mimic each other, usually fear is temporary and phobia is more intense and it actually, just makes your whole life it it it controls your life, I guess, is what I'm trying to say.

Okay. So what I what I'm what I gather from that is the difference between phobia and fear is, like you said, the intensity of it. Yes. The degree to which it controls your life. Correct.

And, so when you put it like that, I may have to correct myself because I'm not sure that what I had was a phobia. It may have been just a fear because it didn't control my life after it was done. It was just like, you know, I went moved on about I didn't think about it anymore, and it didn't affect, like, whether or not I went into a house or anything like that. It was just I would be greatly afraid when I saw them. You know, then after that, I'm I'm over it.

But I know there are a lot of different phobias out there. And so you mentioned one that I think is a purse I personally believe is probably one of the biggest phobias out there, but you can correct me if I'm wrong. And that is the the social phobia. Yes. I wanna talk about what are the different common phobias that that people deal with, but especially since you deal with teenagers specifically.

Mhmm. What is the most common phobias that you see with teens? The common phobia is a social anxiety phobia. That's the main, main one right now that I'm dealing with is how to socialize and and be and and come off of, you know, like I said, coming off a pandemic and us not being sociable and not and being, you know, socially distanced, now people are trying to figure out, you know, where they belong. So social the social distancing caused a huge phobia.

And you have to remember too what you're going back to what you said, you may have a fear of spiders and you might have thought it was a phobia, but fears can lead into phobias depending on how much you're focused on this this fear. You know? So whereas, like, we've been in if we're in a fearful situation, let's say, for example, we're walking down the street and out of nowhere we get mugged, you know, and we get held up at gunpoint, that's a fear. You know? And after it's done, it's like, oh my gosh.

Like, you lived through it, you know, whatever. But does it always stay in your mind? It does. So let's say, for example, if something happens again or you you see something that can trigger that where it could start leading into a phobia. And I've seen that happen now too where, kids no.

I'm I'm just I'm gonna be real. Like, I don't watch the news. Like, I stopped watching the news years ago. My my first degree was journalism. And after being a journalist for so long and reporting and, you know, on the back end of stuff, like reporting facts and what really isn't facts and hearsay, I stopped watching the news.

There was nothing ever positive that came out of the news. You know? Nobody wants to start their day of, oh, let's find out who got shot here and, you know, you got an accident here. So now kids are watching the news more. And that's the first thing I tell them.

Stop watching the news. Stop watching the news when you wake up in the morning because you're setting your whole day of fear. And I have so many patients that are, like, just afraid to go out of the house. They're afraid to you got teenagers now that don't even wanna get in a car and drive. And I'm like, what?

Like, you got you have the ability. You got your parents. I have one girl. Her mom bought her a car. It is sitting in her driveway.

And she is 20 years old, and she will not get in her car and drive it because she's so afraid because of all the stuff she sees on the news. I've got another little girl who they're getting ready to go on this big cruise, and she don't wanna get on the ship because she's afraid, you know, Titanic's gonna happen and you know? So it's just fear of they're creating these phobias off of, you know, things that have happened or things they've heard. And again, you know, the news is just ever ever changing every day. Something new, something's developed and, you know, developing news.

So I keep telling them, stop watching the news. Stop watching it. So fears are turning into phobias, and that's what's happening right now. I would consider that, and you correct me if I'm wrong, what you feed will grow. What's the I'm sorry.

What was the question? What you feed will grow. Oh, yeah. Oh, no. Absolutely.

If you're feeding negative, if you're feeding your fears, your fears are gonna turn into phobias, and there you go. They're gonna turn your anthill into a mountain. Absolutely. Hands down, I agree with what you just said. And it's well, it's a principle that I teach a lot, and I I there are anything I I talk about.

I used to be on the radio, and I did one of my radio episodes. I don't remember what it was titled, but I it might have been called that, but what you feed will grow. But I just talk about the fact that, you know, if you keep feeding your monster, your monster gets bigger. Absolutely. Starve the monster, you know, as a part of the solution.

But it's a true principle in life. What we feed will grow. And if we feed if we feed negativity, then how are you gonna get anything positive out of that? You know? You know?

Yeah. It's like if you feed your body garbage, you ain't running a marathon. Yeah. My my my two biggest slogans are faith over fear and test into testimonies. I actually went and Mhmm.

Like, I I had a fear and not a phobia, but I had a fear of needles. And I actually went and got fear faith over fear tatted on my arm just so I can remember that because even something small and, you know, no matter how strong we minded we are, and I know you and I could probably attest to this too. Like, we still get fears, but we know how to shift it, you know, very quickly. But there's sometimes where you have something that just happens and you forget that. So I have it on me now, so I can look down and say, you know what?

Faith over fear. I got this. God got this. You know? Somebody got this.

You know? But I'm not gonna let that fear, you know, control my life. And that's what I teach my, you know, my my clients, my patients that, you know, your faith is bigger than your fear. Like, acknowledge it. Because if you don't acknowledge it, then you're giving it power still.

So acknowledge it so that it knows, like, hey. I see you, but I'm not gonna acknowledge I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna stand here and hold a conversation. And the way I I explained that with them is it's like, you know, when you're at work, we all have those coworkers. Like, we see them or, like, you know, whatever they're there, but we don't choose to have a conversation with them. So it's kind of like that.

You're walking by your coworker and you're like, hey. How you doing? And keep walking. But you're not gonna stand and say, hey. How are you doing?

So how was your weekend? Like, what did you do? Like, because you don't care. Like, you're not acknowledging them in the sense of, like, I wanna have a whole conversation with you, but you acknowledge their existence. So, you know, that's what I tell my patients.

I acknowledge it. It's there. I know you're there. I see you, but I'm not gonna talk to you like that. You know?

I'm gonna go over here, and I'm gonna talk to somebody somebody positive. Okay. So that leads into what I wanted to just discuss next was okay. So we know what phobias are, and and we know fears. How do we combat them?

Definitely, if you have some kind of fear or phobia, definitely seek support. So you have to talk to somebody, and not necessarily a professional right away because nobody thinks, like, oh, I'm gonna go talk to a therapist. You wanna talk to somebody you can trust, like a friend, a family member, a teacher, or, you know, whatever. Guys. It is.

Somebody that you can share your feelings with, that can provide you with an emotional support and some understanding, and educate yourself. Learn more about what your phobia or your fear is because the more you can understand the nature of your fear or phobia, you can help, demystify and make it more manageable. And then, obviously, like, if you're talking to somebody or you're confiding and, you know, somebody's not understanding or they're just not getting it, then absolutely, hands down, that's where you should go, you know, seek professional, help whether it's with a therapy or a doctor or something so you can kinda get evaluate and see what it is. Positive visualization is huge. And I I use this with all my patients too is you have to use positive visualization to imagine yourself facing, successful managing feared situations and you have to reframe the negative thought.

And I know that's easier said than done, but if you set realistic goals, you know, to face your fears and celebrate the smaller victories and you're not so hard on yourself when you don't hit those bigger ones. So there's a lot of different things we can do, but first starting is almost like a trigger. Like, once you know and identify what your triggers are, then you're able to find the solution and not focus so much on the problem. And that's why I feel a lot of people are doing is they're focusing on the fear and the phobia, but they're not focusing on, okay, well, how do I get over it? So, again, it's like like for me, like for snakes, like, now I'm like, okay.

Now I can look at a snake on, you know, TV or I can see a snake on social media or whatever, and I'm not weirded out about it. So I try to find, something cute. Like I like I said, people are like, oh, but it's a beautiful snake. And I hear that so much. And in my mind, I'm like, there's nothing beautiful about it.

But then I started, you know what? Let me find some beauty in it. So now I found, like, you know, pictures of beautiful snakes and, you know, to me, again, I don't think they're beautiful, but they are beautiful creatures. So I had to take the fear out of what the creature was itself and just look at it as a whole as a different thing. And there are, like, the colors.

So I started focusing on the colors, the uniqueness, you know, the designs. And so that made it less, like, you know, whatever for me. Would I go and hold one now? No. I'm still not there.

But again, like, that's what I it's about taking them small steps before I couldn't even do that. I mean, I'm telling you, like, I don't know what it was, but the minute I clicked on something on social media to try and, you know, conquer my own fears of this, all of a sudden, they wanted to start sending me, like, reels with snake videos. I said, okay. Wait. Hold on.

Too much. Like, like, like, too much. You know? I was just taking baby steps, but you do. You find something positive in that negative.

So, again, taking small steps. And like I said, for example, for me is finding the beauty in that particular reptile that, you know, made it more tolerable so that when I see it, I'm not like, I would have an anxiety attack. I'm not even kidding. I see a worm or anything that's I don't know what it is. It's just something that slithers.

Like, I'm not kidding. Like, I can I had and the stupid thing about it is I had a iguana? I have two iguanas, and I'm fine with them because they were walking. But something about the slithering and the little tongue coming out was just not appealing to me. And so, like I said, I can find something cute or something different, you know, so that it wasn't so intense, you know.

So and that's what you have to do. You just have to mind shift, you know, which is what you're about. Like, mind shift it, you know, into something like, alright. Like, I don't know if there's beauty in a in a, what do you call it? Spider.

But, you know, one of the good things I can say for that is those daddy long legs, and those are the biggest now think about this. The biggest spider, not a tarantula, but that we see commonly in our house are those daddy long legs. Those are the most venomous ones, but not to the humans. Right. They eat all the little ones.

So that's why if for my fear with spiders, I'm like, you know what? That's a good spider. Like, he's the most venomous one, but he's a good spider for me. So I'm like, go on. You go ahead and stay there because you're gonna eat all the other bugs in here.

So Have your meal. Right. So I'm like, I'm a leave you alone. And so I found the positive in that, like, oh, he's gonna eat everybody but me. I'm good.

I I would I'm laughing because I know that there are so many people out there right now who are listening, who are giggling because they have the same fears of snakes. They're just like, I she's right. I don't know what them crazy people talking about. Mm-mm. But let me tell you, I saw I've never had a fear of snakes.

I never liked them either, but I watched something on TikTok where this guy was it was a particular kind of snake. I don't even remember his name or what kind of snake it was, but it he caught my attention. I found it riveting, and I watched his whole video. And it wasn't a short one. It was a long one.

So he showed the lifespan of this particular snake from egg to hatchling and how it removed its skin. And I and for the first time in my life, I saw the beauty in a snake because I saw its life cycle. Not its look, but its life cycle, where the organs were, where where the parts of it were, and I began to see the beauty of its creation. So for me, I began to see the snake as beautiful, not because it was physically pretty to look at, but because of its the beauty in its life cycle and how it functions and works. And I just think, god, he did a lot of great things.

So when he landed Earth and everything in it. So I I love it. But I but I wanted to add, you know, I wasn't thinking about this until this conversation, but the mind shift piece, I think, is very, very huge in dealing with any kind of fear or phobia, or maybe even just not allowing your fear to turn into a phobia. When you talked about worms as a kid, I hated worms. They were gross.

Ew. And next thing you know, I was digging them off the ground and handling them like nothing. And just like I was scared, people are scared of mice. Yeah. I have killed one.

Aw. Oh, yeah. You don't come to my house. I beat a bat to death before. Oh, no.

I'm crazy. Some people say I'm crazy. But the thing is is that what most what most people fear, and all of those may have been previous fears for me. Mhmm. But I have chosen, and I didn't notice this pattern till now, I have chosen to take whatever I feared and make it fear me.

Yep. And make it basically basically make it my bitch. So Yes. Yes. Yes.

Have to take on that attitude. Correct. And to the listeners, I just wanna plant the seeds. Some of y'all need to take on that attitude with certain people in your life. I was just gonna say that if you talk if you relate that to bullying Yep.

You put that same mindset and you turn around like, oh, no. Not today. And like I said, I mean, I can even attest to that. And, you know, we kinda talked offline about what I went through Mhmm. And, you know, being bullied, you know, for my culture.

I literally went in sixth grade. I don't know if you guys have those, you know, where you're at. The Scholastic Book Fairs where you could go to the cafeteria and buy books, you know, every When I was a kid, I remember those. Yeah. And I remember I bought a book on it was called How to Become Popular because I thought, okay.

Well, if I keep getting beat up, I'm obviously, I'm not popular because it was a popular kid beating me up. So I just may for me, that was my mind shift. Like, okay. I'm not taking this anymore, but I don't know what to do. So I bought this book and I read it and I thought, you know what?

Yeah. This ain't gonna happen anymore. And when I made that mind shift, you know, at what eleven, twelve years old that I'm not gonna let you take me down anymore, you know, for so many years, it worked. And the the funny thing about it is the people who used to beat me up, the main one girl that was the leader of the pack, I went and we got into it, and we threw down, and we became best friends after that. And I didn't you know, what happened to me?

You know? You do. And but that yeah. I see that happen in schools a lot where, you know, maybe not so much now. But, I mean, in my time frame, like, growing up, it was like, you could fight and then, you know, whatever you guys squash and you guys are best friends.

Where now, it's like, it just it's gotten worse. But, yeah, I agree with that. Like, you your mind shifts and you turn around like, yep. Nope. And then to top it off, like, we're scared of some spiders that are, like, itty bitty smaller than what we are.

And I'm like, what? I I'm not afraid of you. We're afraid of mice, but they're more afraid of us. Oh, yeah. They they're they're not running up to us trying to fight.

They're running. You know? Yeah. And and and we just don't realize it, and it is a matter of changing perspective. How we view things is how we deal with them, good or bad.

And no matter what subject you're talking about, it's a principle of life. Correct. Sometimes you have to dive into where that fear came from too. And so for me, as a therapist, I do dive into where those fears came from or what started it or what triggered it. And sometimes when you can go back and figure out where it started from, where the root of it was, you can acknowledge it.

You can, you know, nip it at the butt right there and then move forward and then it doesn't become a fear. Or the phobia turns into a fear, which again, the fear can alleviate after time. So those are some of the things, like, for me, like, I know, like, where my snake fear came from. Like, I I never even had an encounter with a snake until after I be got the phobia of it. But the fear of me for snakes came in from hearing stories growing up when I was a little girl.

My grandparents had land in Guam and they had the their houses in Guam. And so my grandfather would always come back telling me stories because their house was in a jungle. So, you know, living in a jungle, you got all sorts of critters and things coming out. There's always snakes. Yeah.

And so I hear these stories that my mom would tell me my tell my god, the snakes used to come through our house. And so I think that's where my fear came from because a lot of the babies were getting strangled because the snakes would get in the crib and they, you know, strangle them. Really? Yeah. And so hearing these stories growing up, like, I never saw a snake until I was a lot older.

But because I heard these stories, I already feared snakes. You know? So that's I know for me, I had to identify where that fear came from. And then from there, it became a phobia when I first saw my first snake. And I was in sixth grade on roller skates and, you know, roller skating over to my friend's house, and this girl was walking around with her little boa around her neck.

And I was like, that's that snake thing that everybody's talking about. And seeing it around her neck, you know, put me back into hearing those stories of them they're gonna strangle and kill the babies. And so from there, it led into a phobia. And she was like, no. No.

No. It's not strangling me here. You know, touch it. I was like, uh-uh. And she said, no.

I'll I'll put the head this way. So she turned her back to me. You know, she had the head in front of her, you know, so she's been both facing this way. So I got up the courage to do the, you know, put the hand on the snake and touch it. And then my friend came home and she's like, hey.

And I turned around and looked at her and I felt this on my hand. I turned back around and the face was at me. I freaked out, fell off my skates, got banged up, cut myself up. And so from there, it was where I developed the phobia because it I associated, you know, the pain, the hurt falling down, and, you know, whatever. And from that point on, it just got worse.

So I wanna point out a key factor in everything that you just explained. A big principle. What you feed will grow. You were fed the stories, the negative stories about snakes. So that fed into something that turned into a fear.

Correct. And then that fear turned into a phobia. How often are we doing that to our kids, and how often are we doing that to our friends, Or how often are we having that done to us and don't realize it? When we are and association matters too. So when you associate things with certain things, negative or positive, well, they can be negative or positive, they can really dramatically affect how you perceive those things.

So if you had been told stories like that video that I saw of the guy that talked about the how what a healthy snake egg looks like for this particular, type of snake and what it looks like when they're born and how they should look when they're healthy. Like, if you had gone if somebody had talked to you about that first, promised you that fear, the fear may have still been there because it's still a bad thing. And what you heard about those snakes was true, but it wasn't the only piece it was it wasn't the only truth. It was only a piece of truth about them. And so how often are we doing that other doing that about other things?

So sometimes we're fed a fear of everybody who looks like this is that. Yes. All boys are fuck boys. Yep. All men are turn gonna try to screw you, young woman.

Yep. Young that's what we hear sometimes. It's not true. Yeah. So we hear a lot of things.

I'm just using as an example. We hear a lot of things that are not true. Every woman is gonna be a gold digger and try to steal from you and and take from you, and she don't give a crap about you. Those are also false things that are fed into some minds. All the time.

And although this show is for teens, there's some adult teens. Yes. Some grown teens, who we call adults, who still think that way because that was fed into them by someone that was hurt by whoever they're talking about. Absolutely. When we're talking about phobias on this show.

But we're I want you all to understand, listeners, to take a deeper dive into all of it and how it relates to all of us, not just the extremity of phobias. But what do we have in a a fear of that maybe we shouldn't? Maybe we need to learn a little bit more about the okay. For example, the person that you you got you said you threw down with her, and she used to bully you, and then you guys became best friends after that. I'm gonna guess it's because you got to actually know each other.

Correct. Yep. Right. That's exactly how get to know something, it's kind of hard to have unrealistic views about that thing or that person. Yes.

Because sometimes we can have a phobia of a person. For many different reasons, we can, I'm not gonna use the word a phobia, but extreme fear Mhmm. Of people who are like the one that abused us. Yes. And that is dangerous because now we're putting everybody who's like that abuser in the same basket, and you're gonna miss out on so many beautiful opportunities in life if you do that.

You're also gonna misjudge people and maybe do harm to them when they don't deserve it. And I'll use, again, the example of men. Yes. There are a lot of men who are abusers. And when it comes to sexual abuse, ninety percent of them are men.

That's an actual fact, but it doesn't mean that 90% of men are abusers. Those are two different things. And very often and I'm using this as an example because I think it's one of the most realistic ones that is very prevalent. We think that, you know, especially as women, we're we don't necessarily say that phrase out loud that all men are abusers, but we teach it in various ways. We speak that into existence.

We have that mentality and attitude, and it is it is it's wrong. You have to get to know the individual or at least look at people as individuals, and maybe then you won't have some of those same unnatural fears. Because sometimes you are looking at a midget like they're a giant and they're not. Right. What were you gonna say?

So on the flip side of that, on the other end of the spectrum, it's funny that you brought that up because when you're saying, you know, we fear, the people who abuse or, you know, the ones that are like our abusers. On the flip side of that, some people actually go towards the same like minded people that are abused us because we're afraid of finding something better, that we don't deserve better. So and I see that a lot with sexual abusers or sexual predators or DV, people that they find the like minded ones because they fear themselves now. They've lost their self worth. So they fear that they're not good enough to find somebody else.

So they keep attracting the same type of people, whether they are physically abusive or sexually abusive. And they and they deal with it because it's easier to deal with it. It's easier to control because they know what's going to happen already so they can control the aftermath of it. What they can't control is when somebody actually treats them good. They can't control those fears of, okay.

Is it just now that they're treating me good and then they're gonna turn on me? So some people actually gravitate towards the ones that, you know, hurt them versus, you know, seeing the red flags and going the other direction. And I see that more than often than the other. Yes. The fear of the unfamiliar is Yes.

The way I like to call it sometimes. There are many different ways that you could really title it, but the fear of the unfamiliar keeps people in bad situations. And, same principle, learn more about what it would be like to be out of that situation. Get a better understanding of who you are as a person because you will not go for better or accept better if you don't believe better about yourself. Yes.

And, unfortunately, I can't force that on anybody. No. I can't make you see yourself better. I can do the best I can to try to get you to see it for yourself, but I can't make you see the value in yourself. And I see so many beautiful people walking around.

Oh, yeah. Adults and kids who don't understand their value. And so they accept less because they don't understand their value. Well, and I tell them I tell everybody, you know, set your standards, set your expectations because how you view yourself and what you think of yourself is how when you meet somebody, what you're allowing them and how you're allowing them to treat you. So if you have low self esteem and you have low expectations, then, you know, if I meet you and I feel like that, then I'm allowing you to treat me like I have low self esteem and I have no values.

But if you have if you're empowered and you have self esteem and you know your self worth and you self love, now when you meet somebody, those are what you're allowing them to treat you. So I tell everybody, like, what you are with yourself is how you're allowing the other person to treat you. So don't let them you know, if you don't wanna be treated, you know, with disrespect and you don't wanna be treated, you know, less than what you are, then don't think that for yourself. Absolutely true. I'll end that with something I like to say.

Don't don't allow yourself to be treated like a pebble when you're a diamond. There you go. Oh, I like that. I'm a diamond I'm a diamond in the rough. Well, but you know what?

Every diamond was in the rough before it shined. I I agree. I agree. Every diamond was in the rough before it shined. You know?

And we make the mistake of figure that everybody's gotta be perfect when we look at them. You big dummy. It's a it's a time in developing. You see a lump of coal because you think too small. You gotta look bigger than that.

Do you don't you see that the the coal is in the fire refining itself? Yeah. So, with with that, I I want to, I wanna ask you about something a project that you have coming up. You have a magazine coming out. Tell us about it.

I have Energy Magazine, and we just dropped, the this last issue we just dropped is called Voices Heard, and we just dropped it a week ago. And it's, basically the Gen z and the alphas. And what it was about was, again, since 02/2022, my patients have and I see everything for everybody from, you know, all ages and stages of life. But I used to see individuals and couples more than, you know, the youth and teens and things like that. Since 2022 2021, '20 '20 '2 when the world kinda opened back up and everybody started, you know, being able to socialize again and we got to start seeing patients again in person, it changed to where now I have more youth, more teens, more young adults, which is the Gen Z ers and the Alpha's.

So what I've been hearing, and I'll be honest, like, it it was a period of time in there, I wanna say maybe about, like, a year ago, like, hearing all this stuff that I was like, this is stuff I didn't learn in school. Like, I don't understand what half these teens are coming to me about. And there was everything from gender identity to pronouns to and I'll be honest, like, I thought there was just a rainbow flag. And this little girl, 10 years nine years old, she wasn't even 10 yet. Nine years old broke it down.

Oh, no, doctor Kim. There's this color flag for this. There's this color. Do you want me to write them down for you? I was like, no.

I'm like, please don't. I'm like, yes. This is too much for me, but I literally was still under the impression the rainbow flag stood for, you know, the the different lifestyles. And she and she broke it at nine years old. How do you know this?

You know? So that's when I started, you know, researching and, like, maybe I'm not cut off for this. I don't know what all this stuff is. And then it occurred to me like, you know what? Just listen to them.

Just listen. Like, forget what you learned in school, forget, you know, everything else and listen to them as a person. And so from that, I started understanding. I started seeing the pattern. I started hearing it.

So every single thing that I got out of what I've been hearing for the last couple years is they just want their voices heard. They don't care if you don't understand their pronouns. They don't care if you don't understand what they're identifying as. They just want their feelings validated and they want to be heard. So that's where I came up with the voices heard.

I said, you know what? That's the addition that we're going to do, and that's the piece we're going to do. Young people need to hear from their own peers. They can listen to us and think, okay, well, we're the experts. You know, they'll listen to us, but it's nothing more powerful than hearing somebody their age.

An 11 year old hearing from an 11 year old that says, hey, I relate to you. I went through that, but you know what I did? And they're gonna relate to that more for for, you know, my patients. They they think I'm older. Like, oh, but miss doctor Kimmy, you're old.

So, you know, you've been through I'm like, wow. I'm like, I'm not that old, but okay. But, you know, you put another, you know, again, an an a 15 year old with a 15 year old that, hey, I did that. I felt like that. I identified as that.

But you know what? I really wasn't that. And this is why I thought I was that. And so that's where I came from voices heard. So we just dropped this issue, and the front cover has, you know, our Gen Z'ers on there, and our alphas, and then inside through the whole, through the magazine.

But with that, we're doing a weekend summit that's coming up February 23 through the twenty fifth in 02/2004, where all the individuals that are in our magazine are gonna get up on stage and be able to speak. So we're trying to reach a bigger platform to where, you know, I I have my patients. I have the magazine. I have, you know, the in person. So I could just reach a broader spectrum and a bigger platform of more people to reach to kinda hear what's going on and identify with, you know, what, you know, the their peers that they're going through.

So this is gonna be a huge theme coming up. We have a lot of different guest speakers coming in, motivational speakers, celebrities, influencers. Because again, like, I've done career fairs where I walk in there and they I tell them what I do and they're like, oh, their first question is, well, who's the biggest, you know, celebrity that you know? And I'm dropping names and they're looking at me like I just said something from, like, the fifties or something. So I'm looking at them, and I asked them, well, like, you know, well, who who's your celebrities?

And they're dropping off all these names, and I'm like, I must be old. I have no idea who they're talking about, but they're all, you know, similar. So I went back and I started googling their TikTok influencers, their YouTubers, their Right. Social media. They're not even people in the movie theaters.

And so I'm like, oh my gosh. So it made me realize, like, who they're really getting influenced by is what they're seeing, you know, on social media. What I mean, you would think TikTok is, like, the only channel that exists. Like, I don't even think people even watch your regular channel two, three, or two, four, or five, six, sevens, or whatever they are on TV anymore. Everybody's No.

Social media. So that's where I was like, okay. I need to pull from those influencers, you know, to reach this generation. I need to pull those influencers and bring them in my magazine and bring them onto the stage because those are who they're going to listen to. You know?

And so for me, it was hard because I'm not from that generation. So I had to take my staff and go, okay. Let's look up the top 10, you know, TikTok influencers and let's get them and, you know, let's go after them so we can get them here. Because, again, they're gonna listen to them because they're an influencer for them. So it was a challenge.

Well, how can people find out the information on that? Go to our website. It's energy magazine, and it's inner, like, inner strength, inner child, and then, like, energy. So it's just inner and energy combined. So energymagazine.com.

Okay. Well, thank you, doctor Boynton, for coming on. I really, really appreciate you taking the time. I think we've talked about a whole lot here. Oh, yeah.

You you and I could go on for sixteen hours, but I don't think anybody listened for that long. So we're gonna so we're gonna end it now. And, again, I appreciate you taking the time. Well, thank you so much for having me on here. It was a pleasure.

And now for a mind shifting moment. In today's episode, we talked about phobias. But as you heard, we went a little deeper than just talking about phobias. We talked about mindset and mind shifting because your mindset is a large part of your fears, and shifting that is a large part of getting over it instead of it being over you. But I want you to take a deeper dive into a piece of the conversation that we had today.

What unrealistic fears do you have? How what thinking do you have that doesn't match reality? Who do you fear? What do you fear that is affecting your life? Do you fear failure and it keeps you from succeeding?

Do you fear success itself and it keeps you from moving forward? What unrealistic fears do you have in your life that you need to get over instead of it being over you? Just something to think about. Thank you for listening to mind shift power podcast. Please like and subscribe to my YouTube channel at the mind shifter.

If you have any comments, topic suggestions, or would like to be a guest on the show, please visit FatimaBay.com/podcast. Remember, there's power in shifting your thinking. Tune in for next week.