Life As A T.H.O.T. (Episode 31B - Part 2)

🎧 In this gripping second part of our episode examining harmful labels like "T.H.O.T." ("that ho over there"), Erica Bess continues with unflinching honesty to expose the hidden world of pimps and predators. Moving beyond her initial story of coercion, she reveals the sophisticated manipulation tactics that kept her trapped in prostitution and shares her inspiring journey to freedom.

This eye-opening episode exposes:

• The shocking truth about who pimps really are (not what you see in movies)
• The complex psychological tactics used to maintain control
• How seemingly caring behaviors mask dangerous manipulation
• The critical moments that led to Erica breaking free
• Real warning signs that someone might be a predator
• Practical steps for reclaiming your power and autonomy

Perfect for: Teens who want to understand predatory behavior, those looking to protect themselves or friends from exploitation, anyone supporting someone in a controlling situation, and those seeking to understand the complex reality behind stereotypes and labels.

Please listen to Part 1 first for essential context to Erica's powerful story.

If you can relate to Erica and would like to know about her, please click on the link below.

https://www.theempowertherapy.com/

Transcript

Welcome to Mindshift Power podcast, a show for teenagers and the adults who work with them, where we have raw and honest conversations. I'm your host, Fatima Bey, the mind shifter. And welcome back again. We have with us Erica Best. So this is part two or part b, a continuation of Erica's story.

You if you haven't already, it's important that you go back and listen to part one, so that you can follow along with this part, part b. Now also there's some facts and figures, about, sex trafficking, human trafficking, and prostitution that I mentioned in section one or part one of this episode. So make sure you go back and take a listen to that. Now let's dive right in. So, Erica, we talked about, how you got into prostitution and told a bit of your story.

Now let's continue that story. Tell us, tell the audience, what did you find out about your pimp slash boyfriend? I found out that he had a crack problem and that he was smoking crack in my house without my knowledge, and he was also hiding, the paraphernalia in my CD player in my kitchen. And one day, I went to change the CD and put on some music, and I found a bag of crack. We just told your age because you said CDs.

I'm sorry. You just said CDs. I was like, what is this? Those shirts and CDs. Now for all you youngins, CDs are these super little discs.

Before m p threes came out. Yeah. Way back in I forgot about those two. Mhmm. So you found out that he was he was drunk.

Yeah. And and he was using you to fund that. Yes. And, also, moving into my apartment slowly, but he did eventually move into my apartment, and I was providing him a place to live rent free. And that his family did not deal with him at all because of who he was and what he was doing.

So he was able to disguise the the crack habit as well? Yes. For a while until I found it. Mhmm. Wow.

So tell us so he was using you for that. He was using you for to fund his crack habit, but he was also living off of you. Yes. Eating all the the groceries that I would buy, laying up in the house all day while I'm, like, going to school. I'm, mind you, I'm still going to college and doing this at nighttime.

Wow. Yeah. I wonder how many other young women are out there right now who are where you were. I'm sure. I wish I actually knew, but I I'm sure there is.

Now let me ask you. Obviously, you're not doing it now. Right. How did you get out? Well, I kept telling him that I really didn't wanna do it, so I brought him a couple other girls who I eventually ended up being jealous of.

But, during our course of being of him being my boyfriend, which I thought I got pregnant by him, and he swore up and down that he couldn't have been the father because we had been having unprotected sex for over a year, and I never got pregnant. And he was like, well, you're out there doing you know, having sex with people, then it could be anybody's baby. And I was like, but I don't have unprotected sex with any of my clients, and I'm having unprotected sex with you, and I'm pregnant now. And I feel like that pregnancy was a blessing in disguise because as soon as I became pregnant, his demeanor changed with me, and it was like I was no more good to him because I wasn't gonna be able to continue to prostitute with a big belly, you know, and or be in that lifestyle anymore if I was choosing to keep the baby. So as soon as I told him I was pregnant, he switched up on me and was like, well, if you're gonna keep the baby, I'm not gonna be here anymore.

And I was like, well, I didn't think he was gonna leave, but he literally walked out of the door one day. I think I was about three months. He walked out the door on me and was like, well, if you choose to keep the the baby, then I I can't have anything to do with you. And he literally walked out, and that was, like, one of the best things that ever happened to me. But that is how I got out of it.

What happened after that? After that, I found out that the baby, was tested for, Down syndrome, and I was about to be 20. And I told my mom about the situation, and she told my grandmother's sister. And they came out there, and they were like, you have to get an abortion. And it was a little late, so it was a two day procedure, but she was like, you cannot keep this baby.

And I was like, but what if this? What if that? And she was like, no. You're going to ruin your life and blah blah blah blah. So my my family came out.

They supported me. They helped me to find a place that was able to do a two day abortion. And I did, have an abortion at that time. And then I wanna say maybe five or six months later, I heard from him. He came to my apartment, and he said, oh, I thought you were gonna be a lot bigger more bigger than you are now.

And I lied to him, and I told him, yeah. I had the baby early. And he was like just to see what he said. And he was like, oh, he's like, well, now he's like, well, where's the baby? I was like, my mom has the baby.

And he was like, oh, okay. Well, I guess we could be married again, and we can get back to to work. And I said, I would never wanna be married to you again. Married in the sense that I, you know, was gonna be following him Mhmm. Through what he how he, you know, treated me and everything.

And I was like, I never wanna be married to you again or have anything else to do with you again. And he was, like, shocked that I said this, and I was like, actually, you can leave. And he knew I meant business, and he actually let up and left. But I had I had him thinking that I did have the baby just to mess with his head a little bit, but I did not keep the baby. That's a lot to go through.

Yeah. That's a lot to go through emotionally. Mhmm. Now the reason I have you sharing your story is really this next question. Okay.

Would a young woman automatically recognize a pimp? Absolutely not. They are nothing like you would expect because of how Hollywood paints that dramatic, picture of what a pimp is on the street and flashy clothes and flashy jewelry on the street, making hoes, walk up and down the street, and collecting money. It's very discreet. It's very, oh, let's go to a event or a club, scope out the scene, see who might be interested in you.

The first person that says something to you, who's of the opposite sex, automatically lets you know that they are interested in you sexually, and then you let them know if they wanna spend time with you, this is what you have to pay. And if they're down to do it, then there you go. There's your person for the night. But there's also a art to it. If you can get the person who you are trying to become your trick to move away with you, like, in in a specific area let's say you're in a crowded club, and you say, hey.

Come over here. Let's talk over here, and they actually move from where they are to where you're telling them to move. That's symbolic of you being able to manipulate them to do what you want them to do. So if they're like, oh, they don't wanna move away from the crowd, then it's like like a red flag. Like, they might not be able to be a trick.

Like, they might be interested in you, but they're not willing to pay for sex. But if you can physically move them over somewhere, that's a telltale sign that they're willing to pay for the sex. Very psychological. So isolation is is a tactic? Definitely.

What would you say are the other tactics? And I'm saying this because I want young women listening right now, and And I know there are some listening right now who are where you were. I want them to recognize what they're staring at, what they're dealing with, who they're speaking with. Yeah. You don't know.

For real. Yeah. So give us, you just said, okay, isolation is a tactic. Yeah. Mental manipulation is a general term for many of the details that you just said.

Right. What if we were to give them a list, what are the top, I don't know, three, things to look for? No. For young women to look for to to start to recognize that perhaps they're being sexually exploited and pimped. If if your, quote, unquote, boyfriend is asking you for money constantly, is, kind of pushing you towards doing sexual favors for other people, if they have a possible secret drug habit, if their families are involved in their lives.

If they're not involved in their lives, that's also a red flag. If they often love bomb you by telling you how wonderful and great you are, and it seems like it's so much of that in the early stages so that you can become, attached to what they're saying and you hold on to their every word. So if you're noticing those signs, that could be, like, a red flag. Like, oh, you might be dealing with a pimp. Definitely.

I would say the biggest of those, and you can correct me if I'm wrong, the biggest and tallest red flag with the biggest pole that stays up higher than the rest to me is when they are asking you to pleasure other people. Mhmm. When they're asking you to pleasure other people and there's money involved. Right. I'm not talking about people who are living the swing lifestyle.

That's a different conversation. Right. Although there's some crossover sometimes. Most of the time there isn't though it's a different community usually. But, that's the biggest that's the biggest thing.

So if you're young, young woman listening and they convinced they have convinced you that what you're doing is showing them love and showing them loyalty because you're just fucking all these other guys because they said so. Yeah. And as long as you split the money half and half Yeah. That's how we decided to do it. He gets half just for protecting me, quote, unquote.

And something else I know about this industry, 100% of the time, there's mental manipulation. One I've never seen that not happen. 100% of time does not work without mental manipulation. Now sometimes there's physical or otherwise intimidation. And that wasn't the case with you.

It is the case with some people, But we're we're talking about your story right now, and there are other Erica stories out there. Mhmm. Definitely. So I just wanna say one thing too real quick. He also would tell females that we were trying to bring into this lifestyle that he owned a club, like a strip club.

And he told me that if women are willing to strip, most likely, they are also willing to provide sexual favors for money because they're already the crooked minds you know, mindset that they won't No. You're right, though. There's there's some strippers listening right now who just got pissed off at this statement, but it's true. It is I'm sorry. You all true.

No. But it is absolutely it is absolutely true because I have I've seen a lot. Being an anti human trafficking advocate, I've learned a lot of things. I've talked to a lot of peace, people and heard a lot of personal stories that I would never share. So I know a lot more than the average person when it comes to this stuff.

Definitely don't know everything. I still learn more, but, but I know more and I do know that that is a statement that is it is true. It's a % true. It doesn't mean it a % of strippers are are prostitutes. Are gonna be a prostitute.

But Yeah. But it doesn't mean likely to yes. Yeah. Yes. Absolutely.

Because the mindset's already there. Yeah. Now let me ask you this as a therapist and a woman with this experience. Okay. What words do you have for the young women listening right now who are where you were?

To get therapy early and learn who you are and become the person that you are and don't seek love outside of yourself even if you weren't loved right at home. Because if you weren't loved right at home, you purposely seek love from the outside sources, and you don't know what is good love. And you are more susceptible to getting caught up with a predator because you're seeking that love that you never got at home. And they don't know caught up. But but how do I find a therapist?

Because they don't know nothing about this life. They don't know nothing about this life. So Well, they can come to me. Therapy. No.

But that but that's a real that's a real thing. No. You know, they're Yeah. Erica is a very good therapist. Talk to someone who actually understands.

What else would you say to them? Travel in groups of women. Let somebody know, at home base where you are at all times. Share your location, And be careful what you share with people because a lot of times, predators listen to the deficits of your life and the areas that you don't fulfill, and they try to portray that missing void that can be plugged into your life and fix everything for you. Oh, excellent point, Erica.

Basically, they look for your voids. Mhmm. It's another way to put it. They look for your emotional voids. They look for your needs.

What do you need? Do you need somebody to tell you what you're worth is? How pretty you are? Yeah, exactly. How valuable you are.

Do you need someone to tell you whatever? Do you need money? Do you need, what do you need? So that's their, their, what they consider a weakness or their way in. Yep.

What do you have to say to those who are just realizing, that it may be happening to someone around them? A niece, a friend, their own daughter, you know, a a friend's daughter. I can tell you What do you have to say to them? My prayers are with them because they are the ones who ultimately decide what their choice is gonna be because there are gonna be aunts and mothers and family members who see their young family members possibly getting involved in this type of lifestyle, and there is nothing that they can do or say to get them out. It is the person who is actually in it who is gonna have to decide.

Just like a woman leaving an abusive relationship, she's the ultimate decider if she can walk away or not. And there may be times where it's hard to walk away, and there may may be times when the woman says, you know what? I've had enough. I can't do this anymore, and you do walk away. But at the end of the day, it's their decision, and all I can say for a family member is being of support and letting them know that you're there to talk to them and judgment free.

But it's their decision at the end of the day. It is, unfortunately. And you brought out you you brought out a good, point in comparison. Women who stay in domestic violence, situations, it's the same mentality. It's not the same thing.

It's not the same detail, but it's the same principles. So it's the same mindset, same mentality. Yeah. The mental manipulation, the mental manipulation is not a minor detail. It's a very big deal.

It's a very big deal, and none of these pimps do it in five minutes. They wear you down. They look for the weaknesses. They attack those weaknesses with kindness, kind words. Yes.

Like I said, the devil's not gonna come through. Yes. Love bombing. If you're missing that affection and then they're giving you all these hugs and kisses and love and you think that that, oh my god. This person really cares about me.

But as soon as I was pregnant, it was like, tables turn. You're no good to me anymore. I wanna go back. Yeah. You're right.

I wanna go back on more to what to your story. As an example of this, what the next thing I'm gonna I'm gonna say, which goes on with what you just said. They're they're looking for your deficits and for the parents, the friends and family around who are listening. This is why it is very important that the children around you feel loved and cared for. I'm not talking about you just put a roof over their head.

I mean, they feel it. They know that they are valued because if they don't know they're valued, they're gonna believe the value that's assigned to them. Absolutely. By these asshole pimps. So it's not the whole story, but it's definitely an ingredient in the recipe to disaster.

It's very important that we all as adults and even as a teenager, make sure we're giving value to people around us because you don't know what that deficit is gonna lead to. In this case, we're talking about prostitution, but there's many other details that we could talk about subjects that kind of all boil down to that same that same foundation of knowing who you are. We don't know who you are. You want someone to tell you because you want to have value. And in your case, Erica, you said that there was this distancing because of what happened to you were young.

There was this distancing at home, with your mother and that distancing created a void. Yeah. And he came along and saw it because it had a big old spotlight on it, for him. He could see it. Right.

And was like, oh, there's a big old hole I could fill. And so that's what they do. And that's what they do. So if you're around people, you're around young, young people, instead of waiting till they get into the situation, do the best you can to make them less likely to be a victim. Doesn't mean that you could do everything right.

And it might still happen, but it's less likely to happen if you let them know that they actually have value instead of telling them how stupid they are when they come up with an idea you don't like, how dumb they are. Girl, you ain't never gonna be nothing. Well, guess what? Those same people that are told that look for validation in all the wrong places. Exactly.

Exactly. And don't get me wrong. I was exposed to wonderful things in my childhood and even in my teenhood, but that key piece of not giving getting the same amount of, emotional connection from your parent, like, didn't it didn't make it, balanced because I was still susceptible to this lifestyle because I wasn't I was missing that love that love piece even though I'm sure she loved me in her own way. But because I felt that distance, I was still susceptible to that. I also wanna interject just for a moment.

Mhmm. Some of the stuff I'm saying, it it doesn't apply to every situation. So for those of you that have imbalanced thinking when you listen, I'm not I'm not saying that everybody's situation is is every detail that I'm talking about. I don't usually make blanket statements unless I mean to put a blanket on them. So Right.

Unless I say every single one or a %, then it's not. So those things that I said a % about, that's what I meant. I'm very I'm very particular about my words, but and I'm saying that because somebody might be listening and thinking, well, that doesn't apply to my situation and and, you know, And now I'm feeling bad. I I'm that's not my goal. My goal is to help you to recognize.

I want to have these real conversations so y'all can recognize what you're looking at. Absolutely. And if a man is gonna ask you to do that, he don't love you. No. He's a bitch with balls.

That's what he is. I'm sorry. He's just a bitch with balls. That's what a pimp is. That's not a man.

That's a bitch with balls. So you can tell how I feel about it. Right? Right. And I am unapologetic about saying that.

That's what I said, a bitch with balls, because that's not a man. Absolutely. A real man is not gonna use you and abuse you like that. A little bitch will. A little boy.

Not a man. Now having said that, Oh my gosh. Yeah. I know. And I'm not I and I don't apologize for saying that either because I meant every single word of it.

Yep. Erica, I really, really, really, really appreciate you opening yourself up and making yourself vulnerable and, and coming on and talking about this. It takes a lot of bravery. And this is the first time you're really talking about it publicly. So I know what a big deal that is and I'm really grateful that you did.

And I'm really, truly hoping that even if just one young woman out there realizes what she's in and gets out, it was worth it. One person can help somebody around them. Yeah. It's worth it. So thank you.

You're welcome. And for those of you listening, if you are interested in Erica's therapy, sessions or services, you can, her information will be in the show notes. And I hope this all I hope that this makes a difference even if just a little bit. And now for a mind shifting moment. Something I wanted to mention, that Erica wanted me to add to the recording, she forgot to mention during, the recording of the episode, is that her pimp kept promising her a singing career.

It was part of his manipulation package. There's a lot of things we talked about today. If there is nothing else that you get out of this, I want you to recognize mental manipulation. In her case, we're talking about prostitution. But the same mental manipulation is used in domestic with domestic abusers, in different kinds of relationships.

Doesn't just apply to prostitution. Recognize what you're dealing with. Take the principles, not just the details, but the principles of what we talked about, and see how they apply around you. Please pay attention. And if you are a young woman who's in a situation, you don't have family like that, you don't know how to get out, and you recognize that this is probably you, please go to FatimaBay.com and go to the other help page.

No matter where you are in the country, there you can go to the bottom of that page and see what help there is around you. I also have some therapists that I recommend on that page because I wanna see all of you rise and become victorious and get over it instead of staying under it. Thank you for listening to mind shift power podcast. Please like, and subscribe to my YouTube channel at the mind shifter. If you have any comments, topic suggestions, or would like to be a guest on the show, please visit Fatima Bay dot com slash podcast.

Remember, there's power in shifting your thinking. Tune in for next week.