Respecting This Generation (Episode 44)

🎧 From "OK Boomer" to real connection - A raw and honest look at why teens and adults just aren't getting along! In this bold episode, we break down the truth about generational conflict and flip the script on who's really showing respect (or not).

Through straight-up honesty and zero blame games, we expose the real story behind the generational divide that everyone feels but nobody wants to talk about.

This eye-opening episode explores:

• The hidden reasons why teens and adults keep clashing
• How social media and technology changed the rules of respect
• The double standards that drive young people crazy
• Real strategies for getting adults to actually hear you
• The journey from conflict to meaningful connection
• How both generations can step up and bridge the gap

Perfect for: Teens frustrated with being misunderstood, students tired of "back in my day" lectures, young people seeking real dialogue with adults, and the parents, teachers, and counselors who genuinely want to understand Gen Z's perspective. Plus: Critical insights for both generations on breaking down stereotypes and building authentic cross-generational relationships.

Transcript

Welcome to Mindshift Power podcast, a show for teenagers and the adults who work with them, where we have raw and honest conversations. I'm your host, Fatima Bey, the mind shifter. And welcome. Today, we have with us m Susan Patterson. She is in New Hampshire.

She was a high school teacher for twenty five years, and she also taught freshman at college for ten years. She is 71 years old, and that's exactly why she's on today. How are you doing today, Susan? I'm doing great. How are you?

I'm good. I'm really excited to have this conversation. You and I have talked quite a bit off the air, about this conversation. And we're having this episode because of a statement you actually made to me in the middle of our conversations. What statement did you make to me about young people disrespecting older people?

I believe I said, maybe older people should respect young people a little more. And then you also said, and deserve to be respected. And yeah. I do remember that now. And it was like, boom, mic drop.

That's really when you said that to me, it was like, oh, wait a minute. That's a whole show right there because it's it's the truth. And what you said to me is so important because I see a problem between your generation. You're in your seventies. But I'm gonna talk about when I say your generation today, to the audience just to clarify, I mean, people that are 50, 50 years old or older Mhmm.

We're not all the same generation, but when it comes to this topic, we are. So for people that are 50, I see a great, great, distance between that, you know, these generations and the teen generations. I see that, you know, youth are very disrespectful. They're not so respectful of our older generations. But like you said, I also see that our older generation does not respect the younger generation.

Mhmm. This is a problem on both ends. There's reasons for it, which we'll we can talk about in this episode, but it's a problem because we should respect our elders. But our elders shouldn't be so disrespectful that we don't wanna be respectful. True.

You know? There's there's a balance that has to be had, which is something that you were saying to me. And, again, I think it's important coming from you because you're 71, And you're not a teenager who's just like, these old folks don't respect me. You know? You you're you're 71, and even you you see it.

Mhmm. But you've also worked in high schools for a long time, and I think that's important to mention as well because you have seen you said to me earlier that this is a conversation you would have quite a bit with high school students. Yeah. A lot because That's not good. No.

But my students would come into the classroom assuming I was the enemy and assuming they would be disrespected because most of them had been disrespected for the majority of their school career. Yeah. And I find that appalling. I agree. I think I said to you this said this to you in our conversation, but I'll say it to the audience.

I also worked at Job Corps for a little while. And when I worked at Job Corps, that was something that I saw quite a bit when I first came on to the dorm. I became a dorm supervisor eventually. But when I first came on to the dorm, I was just a, you know, dorm associate, and I forgot what our title was back then. But one of the issues was that when I came on, there was this one employee that got so jealous and mad at me because the students immediately respected me.

And I wasn't doing anything special, but what I was doing different than her and a few others is I was just treating them with respect. Mhmm. It didn't occur to me to not treat them with respect. I just I I don't think that way. I don't operate that way.

And I think if we want anyone to respect us regardless of age, we need to respect them too, or at least try to come from a place of understanding. So let me ask you this, Susan. What do you see as a problem, between teens and those who are 50, the generations who are 50? I want to phrase this diplomatically. Oh, just say it.

This is my show. You can say what you want. Okay. You weren't born yet, but my generation was, some of us were violent, destructive, angry, and said the same things. They don't respect us.

And I watched all of that on TV, and I thought, why would you respect somebody who was so angry? And so, obviously, hated the older generation and said things like, don't trust anybody over 30. It was a difficult time for our country. There were assassinations, and there were riots. And I on the one hand, I totally agree things gotta change.

Things got to change, but you don't achieve change usually through violence and disrespect. So this to see my generation disrespect a younger generation, to me, first of all, it seems really hypocritical. Mhmm. I mean, we were there. We were on the other side of that fence.

And now I just set I I still think. I've always thought. If nothing else, you respect the humanity in somebody else. We're all humans. We're all just trying to figure out our way, and you show respect just for their humanity.

It doesn't you don't have to like them. My students were always surprised when I said, you don't have to like me, but you do have to respect me. And that was really the only rule we ever had. And I would say it, I respect you Right. And I expect that in return just because we're all human.

And having worked with teens a lot myself, I will say that is the one thing that that's the one statement that we can make as adults, whether you're a school, whether you work at a community center, no matter what capacity you're working in and you work with youth. When you make statements like that that say, I respect you. I I expect some respect back. As long as you actually give that respect Mhmm. They will usually give it back to you.

That has been my experience. Yes. They respect that statement when you are you have actually shown them respect. They will respect that statement. They will shut up.

They will calm down, and it is the best way to get them to cooperate. Absolutely. By simply saying that. Totally agree. My students saw me as the enemy when they arrived.

And shortly after a month or two, they saw me as their ally, somebody who would stand up and defend them if necessary. And that is huge. Huge. Yep. And so, there's so many there's so many different things I wanna talk about this conversation, but we don't have sixteen days for the episode.

So, I wanted to add, when when it comes to seeing a problem between the teens and the generations, let's talk about this statement that people say all the time. Back in my day y'all can't see it, but she's shaking her head right now. She's like, oh my god. Uh-huh. Do statements like what do statements like back in my day when I was young, what do those statements do?

They hurt, and they cause division. And God knows we don't need more division in the world. Yeah. I I see my fellow elders remembering things not exactly the way they were. Can you repeat that, please?

I see a lot of my fellow elders not remembering things exactly the way they were. It's kinda like, to give an analogy, remembering rotten yogurt as rainbows and sunshine and cupcakes. Yeah. Yeah. Yummy.

You're you're % right. And I I think that people tend to do that, not just your generation. I think people tend to do that quite a bit. Remember remembering things much fluffier than they actually Absolutely. And then trying to compare.

Our generation was when I was, 15, 16 to 25. We were supposed to be we said we would be the generation that would change things for the better. Now look at the mess we're in. This is another mic drop from Susan Patterson. You're exactly exactly right, and I say this all the time.

I've said this on public interviews. We get mad at this generation for being the way they were, but they were handed a world, and they're just trying to deal with it. Handed We handed them a pile of crap and a bowl and said, here. Make some cake with that. Yep.

That's what we did. And then we get mad at them for trying to figure out life while they're in this whirlwind of confusion that we've handed to them. Mhmm. Mhmm. You know?

And you're right. Your generation wasn't any better than this one. There were certain things that weren't in question that are in question now. That is definitely true. But that's not everything.

Mm-mm. And they weren't perfect either. And the thing is, you know, when when you give these, like you said, they hurt the back of my day conversation, immediately, a wall goes up, the garage door shuts, ain't nobody listening to nothing else you got to say when you say that. Mhmm. And the reason why I have an issue with that conversation with that statement is because where I am twenty plus years younger than you.

Oh, oops. I just gave away my age a little bit. I wasn't specific. I'm still 22 y'all. No.

That's what I try to pretend. No. But, really, I, you know, I come from another generation. I grew up in the eighties. And, so we're a different generation.

Even my generation didn't grow up anything like No. What the kids are growing up with today. They have to deal with stuff that we did not have to deal with. They have advantages that we didn't have, like the Internet and cell phones. Mostly the advantages are technology.

Mhmm. And some of the advantages that, yes, we advanced that we're more inclusive, whereas a black woman, I feel a little bit more freewear and they haven't arrived yet, but I'm definitely better than the generation before me as far as what's available for me and and what's, you know, etcetera. There's some things that are better. But what's worse, we didn't have to grow up worrying about school shootings. That is right.

Worrying about being shot, not just in school, but in a freaking mall or at a park, and somebody just going and losing their mind and deciding everybody needs to die. We didn't grow up like that. Nope. We didn't grow up in in a you know, we didn't grow up in a world where you got what I I call January 6 monkey storm. You got a bunch of monkeys climbing a wall at the White House.

Even even in Vietnam, y'all had protests, but nobody went that far. That's true. They're growing up in in a world that, you know, we didn't they have to deal with things that we didn't have to, and I think that we need to listen to them and appreciate what they're saying. They're not just a bunch of stupid kids. Yes.

They're young. They're growing. They're immature. There's things that they're they're thinking and doing because they're kids. Of course.

But that's not all of it. That's maybe half of it. The other half, we need to freaking listen. One of the biggest things that I think for this generation that is different from all the generations before them is social media. It is not.

We say it all the time, but it's not a minor detail. If you got bullied at school, I know you've heard this in your stories, but it's really true. If you got bullied at school, you don't have to deal with that again until you went back to school unless you were on the phone, which was still attached to the wall that you were talking to your friends about. You know what I'm saying? And Or you saw somebody at lunchtime.

That was bad enough. That was bad. Mhmm. But now it's twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, and it's driving kids to end their life. It is.

It really is. And that's not acceptable. No. It's not okay. And and it's also okay.

When we were younger, we had magazines and television to tell us what we should look like and what's acceptable and what's not, and it was all a bunch of crap. But we had that. They have it doubled now because there are no limits. We have the Internet. No limits.

Everything is out there every and it's confusing. It's very confusing. Mhmm. They're growing up with a lot more confusion than we did, actually. And so you take all of those factors, and then you wanna compare it to your 1962 growing up.

It's not the same. It's not the same. You're not there. You grew up on Earth. These kids are growing up on Mars with spacesuits.

They are not growing up on the same planet that we grew up on that we grew up with, and it's important to know that you can it's like comparing a parakeet to an apple. Yes. It is. They are both creations, but that's where it ends. Well You know?

I don't understand is maybe may well, no. I started to say maybe because I was a teacher. I I think my generation should model good behavior and respect and decency and listening. Mhmm. Because how are they gonna learn it if they don't learn it from their parents and grandparents?

Yes. And I think grandparents and grandkids are natural allies. But if you just start off by saying back in my day, they just tune you out. You immediately disconnected immediately. So how come we can't model that respect for one another's humanity for them?

Mhmm. And actions speak louder than words. They take care. Agree. Now I wanna dial back to the statement you just made about being respectful.

Let's talk about the peep the the people of your generation that actually are that because there's there's there's a lot of, you know, elderly out there who are they're they're modeling, you know, decent morals and behavior and treating humans decently. Many of them, I believe, in your generation are full of wisdom because the older you get, the more likely, if you choose, and it is a choice, the more likely you are to have greater wisdom because you've you've had more experiences. You've had more opportunity to learn, more opportunity to understand, and there's certain things about life that your some of your generation gets, and you're right about. Mhmm. My issue is that our younger generation mostly doesn't see that.

True. They see you as old people that are annoying and need to get out their face instead of seeing you as valuable, you know, buckets of wisdom. Mhmm. I personally and I felt I have been this way since I was a child. Sit me down with what I used to sit me down with a senior citizen, and I'm happy.

I'm talking your ear off or mostly, I'm usually listening. I love to sit down and talk to to people who are older and not from my generation because I feel like they always have something I always have something to learn from them. And but I'm that type of person. I like to learn from people. I like to listen to people.

That's who I am. So for me, I love sitting down and talking to senior citizens because I feel like I'm I'm gonna learn something from this person. Mhmm. Even if they start talking crazy and they start talking about racism and their head's still back in 1952, peep there's people like that because, hey, that's what they grew up with. Mhmm.

I can usually for me personally, I can listen past that and still get the gems. Just because you have a bucket full of Sam, I know sand. I know there's some gems in there someone dig for them. What are you talking about? Yeah.

You know? And and I I think that I wanna make sure that we see that point too, that while we're talking about some of these older people need to stop being so disrespectful to the younger generation because I think it's important to point out the balance that both need to begin respecting one another Yeah. Or at least making that conversation. And if you're a teen out there listening, try to have a conversation with someone who's your grandmother's age or your grandfather's age or older who isn't gonna start the conversation with back in my day, but even if they do, see if you can pick some nuggets out of what they have to say. Because I promise you, if you start respectfully listening for most of them, if you start respectfully listening to them, many of them, and I've seen this happen, they start to change their tune a little bit.

Mhmm. Mhmm. So I think there's the respect needs to be mutual from both ends. Yeah. Yeah.

That's what I think. So, Susan, what do you think is a solution to to this problem? There are many, but just name one. I was blessed with grandparents who didn't preach at me. They told stories.

And in the stories was what you're talking about that those pieces of wisdom. And some of that, I didn't get till I was older, but it was in there. And I think I think you gotta start I think the elders need to start out showing respect whatever the age they're talking to. And don't come across as this is how you do it. This is what'll work.

You need to pay attention. Tell a story. Tell about an experience you had Mhmm. And how it affected you and how it changed you. And be open.

Be yourself and be kind. Kindness and compassion and respect go a long way. And maybe, just maybe. I tell my my grandkids are in their twenties now, and I tell them all the time. My hope is with you.

Pay attention. And that's a powerful statement, actually. I think a part of what you were I think a part of what's included in what you already said is try to understand. Mhmm. Mhmm.

If you come across people react differently, not just teenagers, but human beings in general. Mhmm. When you come across to them as I'm trying to understand you first versus I'm trying to I'm trying to preach at you, trying to tell you off, trying to curse you out, whatever. When you come across those negative ways first, ain't nobody listening to you. I'm sorry, but you just we already shut the door.

And Change the channel. Then that's a better way to say it. We changed the channel already. You still trying to broadcast. Mhmm.

Try to understand if we come at our youth with, I genuinely like, I'm not from your generation. I don't get this. Help me understand. Like, you could literally say that. And most of them, if you come if you're genuine about it Mhmm.

They'll start talking to you. I'm like, well, it's weird. It's like you go online and, and they'll try to explain it to you. I mean, at least they're trying. And if you they're trying, then you you begin a dialogue.

You can go go somewhere with that. You know? And and even if you don't understand, try to understand because they're not growing up with what you grew up with. And it's so important that we understand that you cannot come up with a solution for this generation if you don't even understand them. That's true.

And that's one of the reasons I'm having this podcast because too many adults who are creating programs, who are creating legislature, who are creating all this stuff for for our youth are completely disconnected from where they actually are. That's right. And you cannot solve a problem when you don't you cannot solve a problem you don't understand. That's right. And many of them want solutions, but they want solutions from people who understand, not who just gonna preach at them.

And I think you said that so well, Susan. You don't preach at them. Yeah. That's the worst thing. Think about it.

How do any of us feel when somebody preaches at us? We tune out. Yep. Now if you get a little preachy in your story and your grandma, we might tune you out, but we also might pay attention. Yeah.

You know, this is a little bit different. But, but, yeah, I think showing that respect and, you know, is is huge. Now there are some youth who are completely respect disrespectful because their parents didn't raise them to be respectful. And that and that is also a problem, and that is, you know, an issue with some youth, and that is a that is a problem that needs to be corrected. And there are youth who need to be respectful instead of just coming off and talking to anybody any kind of way.

Again, it needs to come from both sides. It absolutely needs to come from both sides. Totally. What would you say to you know, if you're gonna general, summarize it into a sentence or a couple phrases, what would you say first to teenagers listening? And then I want you to say something to the adults listening.

To the teenagers listening, I would say, don't give up hope. Learn what you can from your elders and build a new world. Amen. Completely agree. And to the elders, I would say, remember what a jerk you could be when you were 14.

That's where the kids are at, and they've grown up in a lot of chaos. Yeah. Be patient, kind, compassionate, and love these kids because attitude always is the result of pain. That was very deep and very true. And, again, I guess Susan just knows how to drop mics all day.

That was that was that was really a powerful statement. I don't think I need to add to it because I think you said it all. Thank you, Susan, so much for coming on. Thank you, Susan. I'm glad we had this conversation.

And I hope that my hopes are that people listen, old and young, and begin to migrate towards respecting and listening to each other, because both age groups have some powerful things to say. I hear more wisdom coming out of my youth today than I heard from my peers when I was a youth. I think that says a lot. Absolutely. Don't dismiss don't dismiss them because they're kids.

Yeah. Some of them have greater understanding than you. And to my youth, don't dismiss old folks because they grew up in another generation. They might still have a lot of wisdom that you could learn from because the principles of life don't change. Technology has changed a lot, but the principles of life haven't.

So there's some wisdom, you know, in what they have to say. And for those of you that are offended, sorry. I said old folks, but I was talking to the young people when I said it. And and that's what they say. Alright?

But thanks again, Susan, for coming on today. I really, really appreciate you, and I look forward to talking to you again. Thank you, Fatima. I was very happy and glad and grateful to be here. And now for a mind shifting moment.

No matter what generation you're from, no matter how old you are, I want you to think about the value of another generation. Older, younger, whatever generation is different than yours. What value can they add to your life? And if you don't know the answer, it's time for you to find out. Because I promise you, if you make an effort, they can add to your life.

We need to spend more time listening. Thank you for listening to mind shift power podcast. Please like and subscribe to my YouTube channel at the mind shifter. If you have any comments, topic suggestions, or would like to be a guest on the show, please visit fatimabay.com/podcast. Remember, there's power in shifting your thinking.

Tune in for next week.