Religious Confusion (Episode 45)

From spiritually lost to confidently authentic - Erica Bess reveals the truth about finding your own path in a world full of religious pressure! In this deeply honest episode, Erica opens up about her journey through faith confusion and shares how to discover what truly feels right for YOU.

Through judgment-free real talk, Erica tackles the spiritual questions that keep teens up at night but they're afraid to ask anyone about.

This powerful episode explores:

• The hidden struggles of questioning your family's religious beliefs
• How to handle pressure from friends and community about faith
• The warning signs of toxic spiritual environments to avoid
• Real strategies for exploring different beliefs safely and respectfully
• The journey from religious confusion to authentic spirituality
• How to stay true to yourself while respecting others' beliefs

Perfect for: Teens questioning their faith, students feeling pressured about religion, young people exploring different spiritual paths, and the counselors, teachers, and parents supporting youth through spiritual exploration. Plus: Essential guidance on navigating religious identity while maintaining healthy relationships with family and friends who believe differently.

For more information on Erica Bess, please click the link below.
EricaBess.com

Transcript

Welcome to Mindshift Power podcast, a show for teenagers and the adults who work with them, where we have raw and honest conversations. I'm your host, Fatima Bey, the mind shifter. And welcome, everyone. Today, we have with us once again, Erica Bess. She is from Schenectady, New York.

She is an LMSW therapist. She specializes in trauma. But today, we're gonna talk about she's gonna talk about her religious confusion as a teen. Now I do wanna preface this with saying this episode is specifically for those who are seeking or in the process of deciding or making a decision about religiosity or religion or spirituality. For those who think that you don't need a spiritual connection, you may not identify with half of this conversation.

You're welcome to listen, but I'm just letting you know that right up front. How are you doing, Erica? I'm doing well. How are you? I'm good.

As you know, I like to do. Let's dive right in. So you're the one that actually came to me with this this topic, and I thought it was an excellent idea. So tell us why you wanted to do this episode. I really wanted to do this episode because, this topic is not something that you hear a lot about.

And I feel like as a teen, I went through my own spiritual journey of trying to figure out what was the right religion to be a part of or what spiritual identity I wanted to be a part of. And I felt like because I was exposed to several of the different types of spirituality or religion, I didn't know where to I fit in. So I feel like that's a big part of trying to identify who you are as an individual while you're going through that phase of becoming being a teenager and then growing up to being, like, a young adult. It's an important part. Why why is it important?

I think it helps ground you as an individual. It helps, govern how you treat yourself and others, and I think that it gives you a greater purpose, as an individual and a spiritual connection with, God. Okay. So what is your spiritual identity now? Right now, I am a born again Christian.

Woo hoo. Alright. Let let me ask you this. So what made you arrive at that? Okay.

Well, so my mother is agnostic. So she doesn't really follow any religion Mhmm. And doesn't consider Jesus Christ as her lord and savior and always would say that she, believes in a higher power and the big bang theory, but didn't really wanna father follow any, organized religion. She was brought up Catholic and then kinda, like, went the exact opposite as she got became an adult. And then on my father's side, they were, part half of them were Catholic and half of them were Baptist.

So that's where I got, like, most of my foundation in, like, Christ. And, I used to go to Sunday school. I used to be, like, a really active part and member in the church because that was a big part on that side of the family. But I think having the foundation in it, it's probably what brought me back to it because I don't think if I had, never been exposed to it, that I would have been more open to it. But I'm not I'm not saying that I wouldn't necessarily, but I feel like having that foundation just kinda, like, brought it home for me.

Okay. Mhmm. What made you decide that Christianity was the way? I think once I sought out Christianity and Jesus and my own personal relationship with him, I think that that helped me to develop a sense of peace. And I knew that once I felt that peace, it was like, okay.

This is where I'm supposed to be. And also going through lots of trauma and processing, my personal experiences with different things. I think that that connection that I developed with him helped me get through that trauma, and that was enough for me to realize. Okay. Let me ask you this.

Mhmm. Should we just blindly follow what we're taught? Absolutely not. We need to question everything, find out things for ourselves, experience other religions, see if they fit, see if they don't fit, and come to going through different things to try and see if they fit, meaning that, you know, it'll lead you to the path of where it does fit. And that is a personal discovery and journey for each person.

It really is. I I I'm I'm gonna, pipe in here as as well. It's so important to not just follow what you're taught. Right. If you were brought up in the church for I'm using this as an example.

You're brought up in the church, and you decide to stick with Christianity. Stick with it because of a personal relationship with God and not just because you're taught some religious stuff in Sunday school. Exactly. That is not a firm foundation, and that is why people fail when they do that. If you were brought up Muslim and you went to the mosque and you want to you decide to follow Islam, do it because you feel a spiritual connection and you believe in the Quran, not just because you believe in an imam.

Right. And for those of you who don't know what an imam is, is the oh, it's like a it's like the equivalent of a priest, but for but for Islam. They're not the same thing, but that's the best analogy for people to get the point. So we should not just blindly follow what we're taught. I think there's a lot of danger in doing that, actually.

Because if we just blindly follow what we're taught, very often, we're gonna fall off the cliff with everyone else. Right. Like, what if you're taught something that is demonic and you're taught to think that that is normal, and then you practice these, things that are actually inviting negative entities into your spirit and your soul, and you don't even know that it's wrong. So many people are involved in that. Yep.

And I I will also say because it's relevant to this conversation, I too am a born again Christian. And I believe in Jesus Christ and him, crucified, and you ain't changing my mind about that. However, the one thing I don't do is shove that down people's throat Right. Or, say you have to do that. You have to, you know, follow Jesus because I do and he's the only way.

Right. You need to discover have a relationship with God for yourself, not just because I told you to. And the best way to do that is to Seek him out. Seek him out. Seek Mhmm.

Seek truth out. Yes. Seek truth out. And and I don't and I know everybody likes to say, well, everybody's got their own truth. Seek truth out for yourself Right.

And don't settle for less. Exactly. So seek truth out for yourself. That is all I will say on that because if you seek out truth for yourself, there's a lot of things that you will begin to lay at your wayside and realize that they're empty. Mhmm.

Definitely. And I am not just talking about following my religion. I'm talking about, in general, no matter who you are on this earth. Yeah. Then the good thing is in America, at least at the moment, we have the freedom of choice.

So we can choose to be a Buddhist, to be a Christian, to be to follow Islam, to to follow, whatever. Mhmm. We can to Hinduism, whatever. We can make those choices here in this in this country. Mhmm.

I wouldn't have that choice since I was in Afghanistan. That's true. And many other places around the world. Right. You don't have those choices everywhere.

So Right. If you know, in America and and Canada, which is the show is for, take advantage of the fact that you have a choice. Right. And, you know, even if you grew up in a household where religion is shoved down your throat, no matter what that religion is Right. Follow it.

If you're going to follow it, follow it because you actually truly believe it's true and not just because I tell you it's true. Absolutely. That is so critical. I just had to add that in there. Don't follow a religion just because somebody tells you to, even if I tell you to.

Right. Seek it out for yourself because, otherwise, you're not really connected. Absolutely. Now let's discuss this, Erica. How can we know when we have found the right one?

The right religion. Well, my personal experience, I was, I think about 18 to 19. That was a difficult year of me trying to figure out, okay. Well, which religion should I follow? Because, we read in school the Bhagavad Gita, the Bible, the Torah, and the Quran, but as a clinical standpoint, but not as Can you say that first one again?

The Bhagavad Gita? Yes. Can you tell the audience what that is? Okay. It's, I believe it's Buddhism.

Okay. Yeah. It's like their, their book that they follow, like, their Bible. Okay. Yeah.

And I was introduced to, you know, a lot of the, mindsets of the religion, and then I was like, okay. So if there's all these religions here, well, how do I know which one am I supposed to follow? And then I went through, like, a identity crisis almost with trying to figure out what which was the right religion for me. And so to answer your question, I feel like when you're at peace with what your spiritual connection has brought you in, with when it comes to God, I think that's when you realize, okay. This is the right place for me when it comes to religion, and that's how you know you're in the right right one.

So when you have a a greater sense of peace Yeah. About what you've chosen. Okay. Mhmm. And just my personal experience with that, because I have experienced, all types of different spiritualities.

I even, like, was looking into Buddhism at one point. One of my family members is Jewish, so I was, like, tapping into that. And I was like, you know what? And then it took me to get, I wanna say, all the way to mid thirties to realize, like, okay. I've seen all these things.

And at the end of the day, what was true for me was coming back to Christianity, and that's where I felt at peace. I think you just said a key factor there. Sometimes we have to experience before we can make a decision. Mhmm. And I'm not saying that you need to dip your toe in every religion in the world because that actually can cause more confusion than be helpful.

Yeah. Because when you lend yourself to different spiritual avenues, you're opening doors. So you gotta be mindful. Mhmm. And I don't care what religion you're talking about.

You just gotta be mindful, that we try to navigate with wisdom. However, you you're not going this is why I go back to that question that I asked earlier. Really, that question I asked earlier. It's so important that we don't just follow what we're taught. Right.

We need to emphasize it in question. I'm a Christian. Right. I'm a Christian. I don't care what church you were brought up in.

I I if you're gonna follow God and you're gonna follow Jesus in the Bible, do it because you believe in it. Do it because you study scripture for yourself. Do it because you have a personal you developed a personal relationship with God. Right. Absolutely aware of that.

Don't do it because somebody from a pulpit told you to. I'm I'm telling you that right now. And don't go putting on a show every Sunday, and you're not really living that life. You can go up and treat people like crap Monday through, Saturday, and then Sunday, you go and repent and not live like how you're supposed to as a Christian. And then it's like, okay.

Sunday wipes my sins clean and back to the BS on Monday again. Like, no. That's not how it works. I also think that there's many things about different religions that I actually like. Although I don't believe in those religions, I don't, follow them.

Okay. But something I like about Buddhism is some of the the, balanced discipline that it teaches. One of the things I like about Islam is the discipline and the respect that it teaches. Mhmm. And at its core, not some of the crap that some people have turned some of it into.

Because, just like with Christianity, there's a lot of people out there who claim to be Muslim and teaching a bunch of garbage that's not in the foundation of the religion itself. But I like the fact that it teaches discipline and it teaches a sort of wholesomeness that a lot of people do find peace with. Absolutely. I don't follow I don't follow that because I don't believe in the other parts of it. Right.

I believe in Jesus Christ and him crucified. Mhmm. But there are there are bits and pieces of different religions that I'm like, I like that element of it. And some of you may be drawn to some of the elements of your religion. Right.

Of of different religions. What I noticed is a common theme, especially with Christianity and then other religions that are similar, and that's basically to treat people how you wanna be treated and love thy neighbor and love people and don't don't hurt people. And I feel like that's the principle to live by. Even if you're not ready for the religious aspect, that's the spiritual connection that'll bring you closer to God. I think actually, I think it's a spiritual connection that'll cause you to behave that way.

Yeah. I do wanna say this as well. When it comes to because we talked about how do you know you found the right one. Right. I'm gonna answer that a little.

You said peace, and that is definitely an element of it. But I'm a answer that a little deeper Mhmm. With this analogy. Okay. You are your religion is a well, it's like a toaster.

If you put your toaster plug your toaster into an outlet that has power coming from it, it's going to work. You're going to feel the heat from the toaster. You put your bread in, your I like English muffins. So you put English muffin you put your English muffin or your waffle in there, and it's going to do what it's supposed to do. It's going to you're gonna feel the heat.

It's going to toast because it's connected to power. Right. If you put that same toaster into a dead outlet, you will not get anything toasted. You will not feel heat. You will not nothing will toast.

There won't be any light to see because it's not plugged into a power source. It is dead. Yep. So when you are looking at religion, and I'm not just I'm just saying in general, don't take this because I'm a Christian. When you are looking at religion, I want you to think about this, people.

Is there power in it? I don't mean is there, like, sunrays falling out of the sky. That's in cartoons and movies. Right. But, I mean, is it powerful?

Can it change your life? Is there a spiritual connection? Right. When you plug into your, quote, unquote, religion, is there a connection that gives you some kind of spiritual power? Mhmm.

If not, you're in a dead zone. Mhmm. You need to find another outlet to plug your toaster into. So you're the toaster. There's nothing wrong with you.

Right. But sometimes there's something wrong with what you're plugged into. Absolutely. I love that. And and that is something I want every single person to think.

I don't care what your background is. I don't care if you're a Christian religion, Buddhist, whatever. Whatever. Every single human being. When you're looking at what you want to get into, is there power in it?

Mhmm. And I'm saying this as a Christian to other Christians. Well, let me say church folk. Right. Just because you go to a church doesn't mean you're plugged into anything.

You might just be plugged into religion only. I'm a say that again. You might be plugged into religion only. If your if your religion delivers a power source that you can plug into and it gives you life, you may have found the right one. Exactly.

So that's something I want people to to to think about because most people are like, well, I have to follow this religion, and they're looking at all these rules and regulations that are given because every religion confusing. Every religion has them. Every single religion on the world has their rules and regulations. They have their theories. They have their principles that they live by.

Right. That's the point. There's nothing wrong with that. Am I supposed to do? That that's where the confusion was coming in for me.

Yes. I'm like, well, this one says if I don't follow it, I'm going to hell. And this one says that I am a jealous god, and I don't want you, idolizing anybody but me. And I'm just like, okay. But which one?

And I was like, you know, it was very difficult. Exactly. So that's what I'm saying when you are when you, the audience, are looking for if you wanna get involved in a religion, what you wanna do, you want a spiritual connection, make sure there's a power source and it's not just rules and regulations. Absolutely. And it's not just concepts and ideas that hold no weight spiritually, that you still still spiritually feel dead.

If you still spiritually feel dead, you're either in the wrong religion or the wrong church. Right. So and for real. Big deal. And that's a big deal.

For real. You got to be connected to a power source. Right. And That feeds you. I will let y'all discover what that power source is for yourself, but Right.

Make sure you're you're you're tied to more than just religion. Now Yeah. I wanna break this down also. Religion can be a beautiful thing because as we just stated, it teaches principles. Right.

And it teaches discipline. No matter what kind of religion you have, well, most of them anyway, they teach some sort of discipline, which is beautiful. It's great. We need discipline in life to to succeed in anything and to be a good human race, honestly. Without discipline, we have chaos and craziness.

So that is something that's beautiful about many religions. Mhmm. But get past that to spiritual connection. That's what I wanna really kinda leave people with. Get past that to spiritual connection.

And now that I'm listening to you, I'm starting to realize that you can't have or really live by the religion without having that spiritual connection. I always separated spirituality and religion as two different entities, but it's like it's you can't have one without the other almost. Right. So yeah. Yeah.

So if you are following, you know, Buddhism Mhmm. And there's a lot of great discipline that it teaches. Right. And you can you could follow that that that discipline, and it will enhance parts of your life. That is absolutely true.

Discipline will enhance parts of your life. But, eventually, that won't be enough because newsflash y'all, we are created to be spiritual beings. I said that out loud. Yes. Dun dun dun.

No. It's it's not politically correct to say that, but I don't care. It's correct. Right. Right.

We we are created we we have you know, with spiritual emptiness when we're not spiritually connected, and that's many of the reason one of the reasons we do many foolish things that we do in life because we're trying to fulfill that. And we try to fill it with drugs, alcohol, men, sex, blah blah blah. Right. And there's a void, and no nothing can fill that, like, your spiritual connection to God. Yes.

Mhmm. So I really want all of you to think about that. What are you connected to? Not what church or what mosque or what temple you go to, but what are you connected to outside of them? Absolutely.

Because that's what matters. Not that that sense of, the thing I like about religious institutions is there's always a sense of community Mhmm. Which can be a good or a bad thing depending on how it's used or abused. But when it's used properly Right. It could be a beautiful thing.

You go to the the the mosque and you have a whole group of Muslim brothers and sisters that support you. They financially support you. They emotionally support you. And that is a beautiful thing. Community can be amazing, amazing thing.

Absolutely. That's a good thing. But then there's abuse. And I want to I wanna include this in this episode because it happens way too often in religions. Mhmm.

And notice I said religions plural because people think of this as the church, but it's hap it's it happens in Islam. It happens in it happens in in Buddhism, actually. It it it happens in any religion. Abuse. Let's break down that word for a second.

I may have said this in another episode, but abuse is actually a compound word. It is now a singular word in the in the American dictionary, but it really at its roots is a compound word, and it means abnormal use. When you are abusing something or someone you are abnormally using that person or thing. And that's why drug abuse is called drug abuse because there's an abnormal use for drugs. Right.

And then there's the abnormal use of it. There's a normal consumption of alcohol and then these there there's the abnormal use of it. Right. So when you get into your temple, church, mosque, whatever it is Right. King whatever the kingdom hall, whatever it is, make sure that you're around people that are normally lose using their religion and not abnormally using it so that you don't become their next victim hating God and everything they represented when in fact their abuse is evidence that they're not representing what they're talking about.

Okay. That part. That is so true. So so if you're you're listening, make sure. Mhmm.

And this is why I I really for myself, I separate the church and God Mhmm. Because not everybody who's standing up in the church represents God at all. Right. And I mean, at all. That's okay.

But that's not just true in in a church. Right. You know, it's true in any community of humans. Absolutely. Because we're all at the end of the day, we're all still human.

So make sure that you you you yourself, audience, that you're separating them too, that you have a spiritual connection so that if the church falls, if the if the temple falls and fails, that you don't fail with it. Agree. Because if you were only connected to that religious group of people or leaders, you're gonna fall when they fall. What are you connected to? And I'm a leave it right there.

Now Oh, I was thinking too. I have to apologize because the Bhagavad Gita is Hinduism, and I thought it was Buddhism. I just wanna apologize for anybody else who is a part of that religion. My bad. That was nice grade.

No. But thank you for that correction. Thank you for that correction. Definitely. Now as a therapist, Erica, is this something if someone is is is you know, if we have a teen that's confused about religion, as a therapist, can they come to you?

Absolutely. Are you gonna shove Jesus down their throat? I'm not shoving anything down their throat. It's shoving down positivity. Yes.

And and that's that's the thing is is I I I think it's so important to say that because, unfortunately, there are many, quote, unquote, Christians who do that. And that's what makes people just cringe when they hear that you're a born again Christian. Like, oh god. They're gonna shove Jesus down my throat and they're gonna, you know, be fake or whatever. No.

That's not true. There are some of us who are actually real. Right. Yeah. But any conversation that you bring to the table as a a client and working with me, it's all fair game.

Nothing's off the table. So whatever you're you're wanting to focus on in the session, if it's religious confusion or religious identity, anything can be said Yep. In the session. And and you guys, she Erica really is a a good therapist like that. She's Hey.

Particularly good with teens. That's good. I mean, she does she works with adults too, but she's particularly good with teens because she's raw and honest. And you could talk to her about anything, and she's not gonna look at you like you're crazy. Right.

Even if you are, she's gonna help you figure out you're crazy. Now, Erica, how can people find you? The empowertherapy.com. Right there on my website, you just send me a message, or you can, send a direct link to my email, and then you'll see it on the website. Alright.

Well, Erica, thank you for for coming on again. And, y'all, this is definitely not the last time you'll hear her. She's probably gonna come on about four hundred and fifty eleven more times. Yes. Yeah.

I just made up a new number. It's so big. But this is not the last time you'll you'll hear her. And, and, you know, once again, thank you, Erica, for coming on and lending us your brains. Thank you so much for having me.

Appreciate it. And now for a mind shifting moment. I have a question for you. What is your spiritual life like? Do you even have one?

Are you the walking dead, or are you alive but barely? Or are you living and thriving spiritually? This question is not for you to answer to me, but for you to answer to you. And if you are spiritually dead, if you are the walking dead or barely spiritually alive, my next question is, what are you gonna do about it? Thank you for listening to mind shift power podcast.

Please like and subscribe to my YouTube channel at the mind shifter. If you have any comments, topic suggestions, or would like to be a guest on the show, please visit fatimabay.com/podcast. Remember, there's power in shifting your thinking. Tune in for next week.