The Trauma Master: Episode 73

🎧 Join licensed therapist Erica Bess as she reveals how unaddressed trauma acts like an invisible snake, striking at our relationships and happiness until we learn to tame it.

Through expert insight and authentic experience, Erica exposes how trauma manifests in our daily lives while offering hope and practical guidance for moving from victim to victor.

This transformative episode explores:

• Why trauma affects every relationship, from romance to work
• The critical difference between getting over trauma versus getting through it
• How seemingly "weird" behaviors often mask unresolved pain
• Why comparing traumas never helps healing
• The signs you're beginning to master your trauma
• Building healthy coping skills while honoring your journey
• Finding the right professional support for your healing

Perfect for: Anyone carrying the weight of past wounds, those questioning their emotional reactions, people struggling with relationships, and those seeking to understand trauma's impact on themselves or loved ones. Plus: Essential insights about recognizing trauma responses while building resilience.

To learn more about Erica Bess, please click below

http://EricaBess.com

Transcript

00:03.79
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
And welcome everyone. Today we have with us return guest, Erica Bess, the trauma master. She's a licensed therapist. She has 12 plus years of experience as a social worker and therapist, and she owns Empower Therapy.

00:21.02
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
She can help you master your trauma instead of your trauma, mastering you. How are you today, Erica?

00:27.99
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
I'm doing well. How are you?

00:30.56
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
I'm good, I'm really looking forward to this conversation and I hope that it's really helpful for someone.

00:31.49
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
Yes.

00:35.42
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
So as you know, in my normal fashion, I like to dive right in. what Please explain to us, what is trauma?

00:43.11
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
Trauma is a emotional response to a distressing event that can cause a person to feel unsafe, threatened, or in danger.

00:54.05
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
And it could be something as small as a act of violence. Well, that couldn't be, that's not that small, but something as far as like active violence, it could be as small as stubbing your toe on a table.

01:07.02
Erica Bess The Trauma Master 
And then you having a reaction every time you get close to a table and you're, you're freak out every time you get close to it. Cause you hurt your toe or it could be something catastrophic where your house got on fire or ah go into domestic violence.

01:13.62
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
Yeah.

01:20.05
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
There's many different types of trauma. But all of them affect you in a way where you feel unsafe.

01:28.75
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
oh Okay, so having said all of that, I want you, because I want people to really realize that the word trauma is, even though you just defined it, it's so generalized when people hear it.

01:40.85
Erica Bess The Trauma Master 
Oh, a good one is triggered.

01:40.89
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
So what are some of the other words or phrases that people use when they really mean trauma?

01:49.07
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
or if you hear, I've got issues and they don't really wanna say the word trauma. Maybe they don't even know the word trauma exists, but a lot of the language has developed around it, but it means trauma.

01:56.01
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
Right.

02:02.36
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
What are some other words?

02:04.57
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
Hmm, let's see. I would say, geez, I don't know these words today. They have like all this new lingo.

02:16.39
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
I would have to ask a younger person for sure, but triggered is definitely a word I hear a lot and I feel like it's overused.

02:19.24
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
Okay.

02:24.49
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
Oh, it definitely is overused. I talked about it in an episode a few weeks ago.

02:28.70
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
I did an episode called Mental ah Mental fashion and how people overuse that word like like it's a new clothing item um and they do and Yeah, that's one of the words people use but there are many many different words that people use and I want to say that to the audience the word trauma has its definition as she just read but as she just stated but Just know that sometimes people don't recognize that that's what they're dealing with and talking about And so why do you specialize in trauma?

03:03.14
Erica Bess The Trauma Master 
I specialize in trauma because I've had my own experience with trauma and I feel like I have done personal work as an individual and as a clinician to help me get over and through my trauma and I feel like the things that I have learned I've always wanted to help implement with other people who I'm working with to help them overcome their trauma as well. So that's always been my space of working with with therapy and social work.

03:33.96
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
edit move the um you're you're we're hearing every your burst of every breath so try to move the thing up or down yeah that's too far away now maybe under your chin oh that's too far away too yeah i guess it's a little bit better okay now because they're still gonna be breathing um

03:39.65
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
Oh. Like that. OK. Like that. How about now? OK. Should I sit up, you think? OK.

03:59.00
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
Okay. Just breathe. I'll hold it.

04:03.95
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
All right, let's go back into it.

04:05.48
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
Okay.

04:08.32
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
How does someone know that they have trauma?

04:12.67
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
I think the biggest thing that somebody could know that they have trauma is that they have difficulty in their relationships with other people and they might keep hitting a brick wall.

04:20.09
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
Hmm.

04:23.45
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
And when I say brick wall, keep finding themselves in situations where they're not getting along with people, not able to relate to others and find themselves isolated because the way that they react to certain situations might push other people away from them and they'll find themselves lonely.

04:30.91
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
Mm hmm.

04:42.13
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
Ooh, that's a big one. How they react in relationships. That is huge.

04:48.80
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
Yeah.

04:48.98
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
Cause there's a whole lot of people running from relationship to relationship and getting caught up in the details of that, of why they broke up or what went wrong. When in fact they have undelt with trauma that keeps getting triggered over and over and over again.

05:01.80
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
Yeah. Absolutely.

05:07.20
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
And they keep blaming the other person when in fact, It's what you carrying around with you.

05:12.45
Erica Bess The Trauma Master 
Yeah. And no matter what that other person does to try to make that person feel secure, it's going to keep hitting the brick wall. So that person would definitely need to seek some professional help.

05:25.36
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
That's how they would know that they have that trauma.

05:27.06
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
I just thought of an analogy. Just thought of an analogy just now.

05:29.70
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
Mm-hmm.

05:30.17
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
And I'm going to say it to the audience. Trauma is like a ah carrying around a snake.

05:38.16
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
You don't realize the snake is in your bag and your clothes. It just keeps running around all over you. And the second you get close to somebody, that snake bites somebody.

05:46.18
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
and Right.

05:45.78
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
And then you look at that person like, why are you jumping back? What's wrong with you?

05:51.25
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
What's wrong with you? You don't like my pet snake?

05:54.89
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
right When in fact, the snake, the snake keeps biting everybody you get close to because you haven't dealt with that snake.

05:59.88
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
ah her Right. And that snake. And you have become so close that you don't even realize that he's biting you and that you've been poisoned and that you're living with the poison inside of you.

06:13.42
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
Ooh, there you go. Take my analogy to the next level.

06:16.01
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
To the next level, girl.

06:15.98
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
Absolutely. That, that is absolutely true.

06:20.12
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
Mm hmm.

06:20.23
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
And I, I want, I, I like to give people visuals to really kind of get the point. Um, what trauma does and it it it affects does can trauma also affect people at work?

06:27.48
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
Yeah. Absolutely. Any, when I say relationship, I don't mean just boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife relationship.

06:35.94
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
Mm-hmm.

06:36.80
Erica Bess The Trauma Master 
I'm talking about relationship with your family, relationships with your coworkers, relationships with bosses, relationships with your children. Any type of relationship that you have with a person, and if you have un-delt trauma, it could affect any relationship that you have.

06:53.83
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
Right. For example, I'm going to make this up.

06:55.95
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
Mm-hmm.

06:58.46
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
It's made up, but it's not really made up.

07:03.17
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
I know someone that was raped by drunk men. So when they get around the smell of a lot of alcohol, it traumatizes them and brings them back to that moment.

07:16.47
Erica Bess The Trauma Master 
Absolutely.

07:18.30
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
So going to bars is not a good idea for them.

07:22.20
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
Right, because it triggers the PTSD.

07:23.09
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
and and it elicits a response that makes them kind of spiral out.

07:25.60
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
Uh-huh.

07:27.98
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
Now, everybody's gonna do something different when they spiral out. We're not all the same, but ah that's a pretty deep and harsh one, very sensitive one, but it's a real one and I've seen it.

07:31.23
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
Absolutely.

07:38.58
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
Absolutely.

07:39.10
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
you know, we we we've been cheated on.

07:43.41
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
ah Yeah.

07:42.92
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
So now we think everybody we're dating is a cheater.

07:47.32
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
Is it cheater? Yeah.

07:47.99
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
So now we've got trust issues. We've been traumatized in that particular area.

07:51.45
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
er Absolutely.

07:51.62
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
Just giving people more examples. We've been traumatized in that particular area.

07:56.08
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
ah hello

07:56.16
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
So now every time we get into a relationship, we give the person we're with the undue burden of constantly proving themselves and affirming you.

08:05.16
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
Absolutely.

08:08.55
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
And what you really need to deal with is is the trauma that that trust issue came from.

08:14.90
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
Exactly.

08:14.99
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
Most of the time when people have trusted issues, it didn't just come from somebody cheating on them.

08:19.52
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
Right.

08:19.44
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
Nine times out of 10, I find it actually came from something deeper before then.

08:22.38
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
and You know what I found out with being a therapist, I found out that it comes from either your parental figures or your biological parents, whoever raised you. And especially I noticed when you are not raised by your biological mother, like if you've been adopted, if you've been in foster care, if you were raised by a grandparent, there's always seems to be some kind of void.

08:45.02
Erica Bess The Trauma Master 
that I've noticed as a therapist and those type of people.

08:46.47
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
Yeah, very often.

08:48.36
Erica Bess The Trauma Master 
So they might need a look. If you are one of those people, I would suggest that you definitely get a consultation with a therapist just to see if there's anything there that you don't even realize that you're traumatized by.

09:00.26
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
It's a snake running around biting everything around you, undealt with trauma.

09:01.91
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
ah hu Right. You so immune to the snake. Yeah. You so immune to the snake. You don't even know. So just go get a consultation to see because I think those people are definitely at a higher risk of trauma and not having those initial relationships established.

09:17.86
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
Right.

09:18.81
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
So then it makes every relationship that they have going forward difficult, you know.

09:22.62
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
Right. And I would say going back to what Erica said, I'm talking to the audience again, I would just want to kind of reiterate what Erica said earlier a lot.

09:34.30
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
And I do mean I, I'm making up my own number, but I believe 90% of relationship issues come from on dealt with trauma in one form or another.

09:43.62
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
ah Yep, either from your mother or your father.

09:45.72
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
And Yeah, or something else.

09:48.74
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
Or whoever raised you, or yeah, whatever experience you had, yeah.

09:50.38
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
Or something else. Whatever it is.

09:52.75
Erica Bess The Trauma Master 
And then there's multiple traumas, on top of traumas.

09:52.43
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
Whatever it is.

09:56.02
Erica Bess The Trauma Master 
That could be your initial, yeah, and then boom.

09:55.68
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
Usually. often More often than not.

09:59.60
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
But nobody makes it out of this life without experiencing some sort of trauma.

10:03.88
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
That is very true. You said that before, and the more I of deal with people, the more I recognize that that is true.

10:05.78
Erica Bess The Trauma Master 
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

10:09.52
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
um And if you think you haven't dealt with trauma, that what that tells me is that you don't recognize your snake.

10:15.62
Erica Bess The Trauma Master 
Yeah.

10:16.91
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
That's what that tells me.

10:17.82
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
Some people walking around with boa constrictors and pythons.

10:18.39
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
you

10:21.42
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
Yeah, they got a whole anaconda festival going on around them, and they don't even recognize.

10:24.75
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
ah Right, right. I got a little tree snake in my bag. I'm OK.

10:28.58
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
Right, right. Now it's true. I'm going to use that analogy from now on.

10:36.34
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
So once we recognize we have trauma, what do we do?

10:40.63
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
I think once we recognize it, it's time for us to take some steps as individuals to say, okay, what is my trauma? Where did it come from? Let me speak to a professional and have a common consultation with a professional to really get it analyzed by somebody who's in the field and is qualified to tell you you know what what you've experienced is definitely a traumatic event for you.

11:07.54
Erica Bess The Trauma Master 
And then they might be able to also diagnose you with a post-traumatic stress disorder, which is a byproduct of trauma, which is basically a disorder that you develop when you are traumatized by something that really affects you deeply. And you might have symptoms such as hypervigilance, anger, moodiness, anxiety. um And this comes from, I hate to use the word trigger, but let's say you, like you said, the ah Like you have a car accident, right?

11:39.17
Erica Bess The Trauma Master 
And every time you come to the same spot where you had that car accident, you start to get the emotional feelings of what happened right before it.

11:42.74
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
Oh, yeah.

11:48.28
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
And then your body might respond physically. Your hands might start getting sweaty. You start having chest pains and rapid heartbeat. And then you start to get shaky again around the same area that you had that same car accident.

12:00.01
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
So something like that. That's considered PTSD as well.

12:01.06
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
Yep.

12:03.91
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
Flashbacks, nightmares. Um, let's say it's like somebody got raped. They're more likely to have trauma, uh, nightmares and flashbacks and coming back. Or like you said, the smell of the beer as ah an example, that's a trauma response, a flashback, um, to the event that happened.

12:22.55
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
So anytime she smells that or any type of sound could trigger it as well. She sees taken back into that moment and she's suffering from the PTSD that came from that actual trauma traumatic event.

12:27.99
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
Right.

12:35.48
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
I can tell you that when you talked about the car accident, I was like, yeah, I was just talking about that with ah a young woman who got into a car accident accident and just talking about the trauma that came from that for me.

12:48.27
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
Yeah.

12:48.24
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
It was many years ago now, but I got into a ah bad car accident where There was one witness and he was shocked that I was alive. And in that area where the car accident happened, I would not travel. And any area that looked like that area, I would not get on that road. And it took me a while to be able to travel in those types of Uh, no shoulder rural areas again.

13:18.36
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
ah

13:18.66
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
And I remember almost having a just almost hyperventilating when a friend of mine and I was a passenger, he was driving, he lived out in the country. He was driving on that same type of road. Um, and I just was almost freaking out because I was traumatized from that accident.

13:33.32
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
hu Absolutely.

13:34.93
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
It took me a while to get over it, but I eventually I did, but, but it it can be there's so many different kinds of trauma.

13:38.36
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
Absolutely.

13:41.36
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
Absolutely Absolutely not Just like we all have different fingerprints.

13:41.29
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
So is everybody's trauma, is everybody's trauma the same?

13:48.17
Erica Bess The Trauma Master 
We all have different traumas We all have different upbringing and we all have different responses to the traumas You can't tell anybody how bad their trauma is because they've the ones who are experiencing it, you know so it's every individual for their own and in each therapist will deal with it as it comes but

13:53.62
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
Yeah, but your trauma's not as bad as mine, so it can't be that bad, right? Right, right, right.

14:11.54
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
Nobody's is the same For sure, even if we experience the same thing like let's say we both Got raped.

14:14.80
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
Let me ask you, mm-hmm, that's true, that's true, that's true.

14:19.40
Erica Bess The Trauma Master 
I might experience it at this way and you could have experienced it this way, you know, but we went through the same trauma

14:23.62
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
Yeah.

14:27.47
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
And by the way, sidebar, and I know I've said this several times on different episodes, if you have been sexually assaulted or raped, you 1000% have trauma.

14:38.77
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
And if you think you can just run by life and get over it without help, you are 1000% wrong.

14:46.11
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
Absolutely.

14:46.91
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
It is never, ever, ever, ever, ever, never, never, never, never, ever true that you don't need some kind of mental help if you've been through that.

14:54.33
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
Right, right.

14:55.92
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
I have never seen it. I have counseled way too many people to believe otherwise.

14:59.98
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
Absolutely. When you were talking about going back and what certain things brought up for you for the car accident, I was thinking about what you just said about the trauma with the sexual assault and things like that.

15:19.75
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
And with my own sexual um abuse, I would refuse to go down the street that it happened on for years.

15:27.48
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
Mmm good example I Want to add to that to the I'm talking to listeners right now if you haven't been through some of the stuff we're talking about I

15:28.70
Erica Bess The Trauma Master 
I would avoid the street because it would bring up the memories. And if I saw the house, it was just like, oh boy. So I would make my way to go all the way around the corner. So I didn't have to go down that block.

15:50.05
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
Whether you have or not actually, when you see poop people acting quote unquote weird about things, I want you to think about this episode. 90% of the time when people are acting quote unquote weird, they're not freaking weird.

16:04.41
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
They're reacting to trauma and sometimes don't know what else to do.

16:05.91
Erica Bess The Trauma Master 
Yeah.

16:09.05
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
Think about that the next time you think that someone's acting weird or funny, dig a little deeper because nine times out of 10, they're reacting to some sort of trauma and they're not weird.

16:19.23
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
Absolutely. I used to flinch sometimes after I was in a domestic violence relationship years later. and being in a new relationship and my boyfriend would maybe try to go reach for something or try to give me a hug and I would flinch. And he would ask me, why do you do that? i'm I'm never gonna hit you. And I was like, oh, I didn't even realize I was doing it. But that's because I had been in a relationship prior to that with so much physical abuse that I was afraid when I would see a hand go up. And that was my trauma response. So, yeah.

16:55.69
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
And there's a lot of people out there who are like that now. And by the way, we're not just talking about women because this happens to men a lot and they just don't talk about it.

17:06.66
Erica Bess The Trauma Master 
Absolutely.

17:07.59
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
So if you are a man listening and we're we're talking about you too.

17:10.83
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
absolutely You guys need the more support than than anybody because nobody believes you guys when you speak up and say, hey, yeah, this girl is hitting on me and stuff. And it's the men that have the respect for women not to hit them back who are getting beat up at home and tortured.

17:25.87
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
Yeah, and it it does happen, you guys. it if It's a real thing.

17:29.21
Erica Bess The Trauma Master 
Yeah.

17:29.46
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
It is happens a lot more than you think.

17:31.39
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
And then some men call and then the police won't even take them serious.

17:31.71
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
um

17:36.30
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
Yeah, that's got to change in our culture.

17:38.51
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
Absolutely.

17:38.62
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
That's got to change in our culture.

17:40.25
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
Absolutely.

17:40.52
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
Does anyone completely get over their trauma?

17:46.21
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
I would say if it's a real extensive trauma, I don't think that they completely get over it. I think they have to go through some things and do their own personal work so that they can function at a higher level.

17:59.96
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
But when it comes to completely getting over it, I don't think you're ever gonna forget what you've gone through unless you've had a lobotomy. And I feel like the memory is gonna always be there. There may be something that might always bring that memory to the forefront of your mind. But when you do the therapy that you need to do and the personal work that comes with the therapy, I think that you can get yourself into a much healthier place and develop a lot of balance so that your relationships can also reflect that. And you can function at a healthy level in everything that you do once you get the help that you need and address the trauma for what it is. And check yourself. You basically have to check yourself when you're dealing with trauma. Because it's like, well, how am I affecting other people with my trauma?

18:53.81
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
So what I'm hearing is that you can, you can get over your trauma instead of staying under it, but you'll never completely ah leave all parts of it behind because there's still going to be parts of it in you or around you or about you.

19:01.97
Erica Bess The Trauma Master 
Absolutely.

19:07.38
Erica Bess The Trauma Master 
Yeah, that's what I feel.

19:11.58
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
Absolutely. We all have memories. There's certain memories that just will that and um no matter how much therapy you get, some memories are just imprinted, you know, and you can talk to your therapist to process it, you can talk to your therapist about developing coping skills to help you deal with it.

19:14.86
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
Right.

19:22.55
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
right

19:31.12
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
But A therapist doesn't have a magic wand or an eraser that can clear your mind.

19:36.20
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
Right.

19:36.97
Erica Bess The Trauma Master 
You know?

19:37.23
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
And anyone that tells you that they, that they do, please run because they're lying and stealing your money.

19:41.15
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
Yeah. Liars.

19:45.90
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
Now, can you give us some examples of what it looks like when someone has is mastering, uh, mastering their trauma?

19:55.66
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
Ooh, what it looks like when you are mastering your trauma. OK. So you're gonna start to feel a lot more positive. You're gonna start to ah take better care of yourself.

20:04.78
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
Hmm.

20:08.07
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
Your self-care is gonna go up. You're gonna start doing things that make you happy. You're gonna start surrounding yourself with positive people and line yourself with opportunities. You might reconnect spiritually with God and ah even volunteer, do something for your community.

20:24.63
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
Like you're gonna be very positive and have a mindset of doing good and thinking positive. And it's just going to reflect in all areas of your life.

20:35.99
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
That's a really good, those are some really great examples of how to tell when you can when you've begun to master your trauma.

20:39.04
Erica Bess The Trauma Master 
Thank you.

20:45.42
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
um Because I think sometimes we if we don't mention those things, people think, well, If I'm not at A, I'm at A right now, if I'm not at Z, well then I didn't go anywhere.

20:55.72
Erica Bess The Trauma Master 
Right.

20:55.83
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
No, progress is a process.

20:57.73
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
Yeah, and it's not linear.

20:58.07
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
And all everything you just mentioned is part of that progress. And you begin to say, wait a minute, you know what, I don't really care that much about being near the bar anymore.

21:07.24
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
Right.

21:08.29
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
That's in that when you begin to, that's a huge, huge, huge, huge, yeah.

21:09.13
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
That's huge fraud progress. Yeah, I think communication as well.

21:12.96
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
um you know when

21:15.31
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
I forgot that like you'll be able to communicate more effectively once you're, you know, dealing with your trauma and you'll be able to express to others rather than shutting down or rather than blowing up and getting an attitude or cursing somebody out who didn't deserve it because you didn't deal with your trauma.

21:31.19
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
you know I think when you start to respond better with those type of behaviors, I think that's when you know that you're starting to make progress. For sure.

21:38.37
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
Yeah, good, good point. um So let me ask you this, what advice do you have for the listener right now that is just recognizing some of what you're talking about?

21:49.87
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
If you are recognizing any of the things that we have spoken about today, I think that it would be wise for you to just do some research on a therapist and ask around and see if they are a good fit for you and just have a conversation with them. Do a free consultation and see if some of the things that we spoke about here today are some of the things that are reflected in your life and just kind of speak with somebody, connect with them, see if they match your vibe and start doing therapy.

22:22.30
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
and stop carrying that snake around, called trauma.

22:24.12
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
Yeah, get that snake, get that snake out the bag. We don't need the snakes anymore. And if you do, you can tame it.

22:28.98
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
Now, speaking of which, for real, for real, once you begin to recognize it, right, it can be tamed, or its teeth can be removed.

22:31.92
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
Tame the snake. Yeah. not soless we We can't say the snake is gone, but the snake could be tamed.

22:42.25
Erica Bess The Trauma Master 
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, de-venom. Yeah, absolutely.

22:46.29
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
Devenomize so that I can't hurt those around you or yourself anymore.

22:47.07
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
Yeah.

22:49.76
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
De-venomized by therapies.

22:50.33
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
It might still be there, but Yep, glad they're present. Speaking of of of getting a good therapist who can help you, um Erica is the trauma master, so she specifically specializes in helping people to get over their trauma instead of staying under it.

23:08.13
Erica Bess The Trauma Master 
Absolutely.

23:08.31
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
So Erica, tell them what services you do offer.

23:11.77
Erica Bess The Trauma Master 
Well, I provide individual counseling, family counseling with my empowered therapy. And then I work with you with Bay and Bess. And Bay and Bess is basically groups for women, um teenagers all the way up to grown women that we help get them through their trauma. I'm not going to say over, through their trauma by support.

23:36.25
Erica Bess The Trauma Master 
So I'm doing, I have my hands in a lot of things, but I'm definitely doing individual counseling and group counseling.

23:44.98
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
And do you do them virtually?

23:47.28
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
I do, my empowered therapy services are completely 100% virtual.

23:53.68
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
And the work, yeah.

23:53.53
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
So that means anybody listening can get ahold of you if they really want to, and they actually want to, as I like to say, get over what they've been under when it comes to drama.

24:01.52
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
Yeah.

24:04.26
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
Exactly. If you are in New York State, I can treat you. Yes, absolutely. We can help you master your trauma.

24:10.50
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
and Okay.

24:15.03
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
And how can people find you?

24:17.23
Erica Bess The Trauma Master 
EricaBess.com.

24:19.88
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
Could you spell that?

24:20.72
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
Yes, I can. E-R-I-C-A B-E-S-S dot C-O-M.

24:29.61
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
And it will be in the podcast description and the show notes. For those of you, if you want to get ahold of her and see what else she's doing. umm And yes, with I just wanted to reiterate with Bay and Bess, that's something that we work on together.

24:42.75
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
And we do group therapy sessions for teenage girls, women, adult abuse survivors, and Spanish speaking women.

24:48.51
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
Yes.

24:48.55
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
But the ah Resilient Roses, which is our our group for the women, adult abuse survivors, we specialize in um helping women with their trauma.

24:59.26
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
and we get them from all different walks of life and we absolutely love it. and And you couldn't pay us to not do it because it's wonderful to watch people get breakthroughs.

25:06.45
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
Absolutely.

25:09.63
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
So it's something that we're both very passionate about and um and enjoy helping people to move to their next level.

25:15.56
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
Absolutely. We see where they start and grow.

25:18.39
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
So Erika, sorry, say it again.

25:21.18
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
We see where they start when they first start working with us and we watch their growth over time.

25:25.79
Fatima Bey The MindShifter
oh my god yeah it's so amazing it's so exhilarating really like we get so freaking excited like we just went to the biggest candy store in the world and we're kids after our sessions you know because we're like oh my god did you see that this is so awesome um so once again erica that's trauma master thank you for coming on again

25:29.96
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
It is.

25:36.40
Erica Bess The Trauma Master
It's true. Absolutely. Yes, thank you. Thank you for having me.